In a Heartbeat (MxM)

Chapter 33

A/N: Almost 4k words, I honestly don't know how I whipped that out. This chapter was supposed to be just fluffy and cute Xavier and Simon interaction and then it went sidewards. I have no words, just that my stories always end in angst and idk how to stop. Anyways enjoy! Let me know what you think!

Chapter 33

Simon's POV

The pill bottles felt heavy in my hand. Chase had given me two, one for anxiety, and the other was the same suppressants Vince was taking, just at a much lower dose. He had assured me that I shouldn't feel pressured to take either, but I didn't even want them here with me. It felt wrong to have these, especially the suppressants. I had survived so long without them that I didn't feel it necessary to start now.

Staring at them now didn't change that. I felt like it would be cheating to start using the suppressants, the whole point was for Vince to get off of these. Why would I start using something that was so terrible in the first place? Even the anxiety pills seemed pointless. There were a plethora of side effects that it could cause, just so I could feel fine for a day? How was that supposed to help in the long run?

That and I didn't want to feel numb and empty. I didn't want to not feel. That was the last thing I wanted.

And as much as I wanted to flush it down the toilet, or throw it out, I couldn't do it. So I stuffed it under all my belongings in the suitcase, not wanting to see it again.

Vince probably thought I was strange for keeping my things in my bags still, but I didn't want to intrude his space. I was already pushing my luck by being here and by sleeping on his couch. But it was also a habit I picked up from living with Aspen and Cedar. Moving around often, or sleeping in small spaces, we needed to be ready to go at any moment. And being here felt the same way. There was no question that if Vince really didn't want me here, he wouldn't hesitate to kick me out again.

This morning, I thought he would have dragged me off his couch and shove me out the door, only to be startled when he picked up the blanket and placed it over me. I had been shaking like a leaf when he approached me, but I don't think he noticed I was actually awake, or he wouldn't have picked up the blanket. But I couldn't let my guard down, as far as kindness goes, that was probably just a spur of the moment, something his dazed and probably half-asleep mind did without really thinking. He probably forgot about it, so I didn't want to dare bring it up in case he got defensive and kicked me out.

Luckily, Xavier had shown up, a good distraction from whatever the hell Vince meant from his actions earlier. The look of relief on his face quickly replaced his worried features when he walked in. In large strides he made his way over to the couch, sitting sideways on the couch beside me.

"He didn't do anything, right?" He asked, the worry taking over his features again as he scanned me over.

I shook my head before replying, "he slept in the office."

"Oh."

"Really, I'm fine," I assured him after seeing his still worried face. "I can make breakfast if you haven't eaten yet."

He smiled slightly before replying, "yes, just jab at my inability to cook, why don't you."

He made a pouting face before ushering me out of the room. A few passing pack members gave us an inquisitive look as Xavier seemed to drag me down the hall, down the flights of stairs and into the kitchen area where a bunch of people was fiercely working to make vats of food.

Despite how much in a flurry they were, most of them immediately halted work and shouted greetings to Xavier who waved back with the same ferocity.