Midnight Train

Chapter 4

"You took the midnight train?" Bex asks, becoming curious.

"Maybe," I reply, enjoying my childrens' curiosities. "You should ask your Dad about why he got on the midnight train.

"How did you, Dad?" Sam looks over at his father.

I look at him, prodding him to tell his side of the story. He looks at me like I must be joking. Finally giving in, he tells his side of the story.

"That day, I was filming a video with Uncle Nathan and Uncle Gabe. We had spent the day filming videos for YouTube. Like always, we were on the grind. The project was decorating the island we had made, which turned it from a basic patch of sand to a fancy island with a tiki bar, tent, campfire, and, of course, palm trees. It took the rest of the day, we had already filmed two other videos before that, to the point where it was getting dark when we finished. It was a lot of finicky decorating. By the end of the day, I was tired and stressed. Uncle Nathan and Uncle Gabe jumped into the moat around the house. Uncle Cedrick joined us, but Uncle Jordan had to go inside to edit the videos."

"That's cool!" Sam has always shown an interest in what his father did for a living.

"Wait, you guys decorated the island?" Bex asks. All of us have been to Nathan's island house, and it is tradition for us to camp out on the beach.

"Yeah we did. And it's still standing to this day," James says.

"That's surprising," I mumble under my breath.

"Hey!" James pretends to be offended. "I heard that!"

I laugh quietly, covering my mouth with my hand. I see that smile again. I love that smile.

"Well, I had gotten quite stressed while working on it since it required a lot of tedious activities. Most of the heavy lifting had fallen to me because of how strong I am." He flexes his muscles and earns laughs from all of us.

"Yeah, sure, honey. Sure," I tell him, reaching over to touch his knee.

"What?! It's true!"

"Mhm," I reply, crossing my arms.

James signs and continues with his story, "My stress level was through the roof. I needed to calm down, but whenever I tried to get in the water, Uncle Nathan would splash me with a passing jet ski. That didn't help. I tried to distance myself from everyone else, which wasn't too difficult because of how big the moat is. Though, dodging the passing jet skis were an annoyance."

"Oh poor baby," I tell him, my voice dripping with mockery.

"Ha ha," he fake-laughed at me. "I've forgotten how to laugh."

I smile. "Love you," I reply.

He smiles back. "Finally having enough, I climb out and make my way to the house. I ignore the calls of Uncle Nathan and Uncle Gabe, but I kept walking. I needed to cool down so I walk inside and change into dry clothes. I throw myself down on a couch and pull out my phone, hoping to distract myself. That didn't last long because soon everyone came tromping back inside, effectively ruining the small amount of serenity I had previously.

Then, I heard my phone ring. Trying to keep anger from edging into my voice, I answer. It was my mom, your grandma. Apparently, my grandma had passed away.

The children all go silent, surprised by this turn of events. I place a hand on my husband's knee, knowing he still misses her.

"My world came crashing down in a matter of seconds. The stress from earlier was almost completely gone, covered by the sorrow of losing someone I cared about greatly. I sat down on the couch, shocked as to what just happened."

By now I could see tears glistening in his blue eyes, which was uncommon. The kids were used to seeing him in a different light. They weren't used to seeing this side of him. I, however, have seen this side of him numerous times. It was always rare because  he had lived a decent amount in front of a camera.

"We're sorry Dad," Bex says on behalf of all of us.

"You don't have anything to be sorry for," James tells our kids. "It wasn't your fault."

"Still, we feel sorry for you. We don't want to lose either of you."

James and I look at each other, surprised by this statement from our oldest daughter.

"I drive back to my old place, needing to think over things. I wander around, the sun sinking in the sky. Once it gets later that night, I try to sleep, but every time I try to close my eyes, sleep doesn't come. I struggle to sleep for maybe an hour before I finally give up. I throw off the covers and walk to my kitchen counter. I stuff my wallet and phone into my pockets before grabbing my keys and walking to my car."

The kids stare in rapt attention, waiting for what they think is going to happen.

"Finally I decide on a solution. I grab about $100 dollars and head back to my car. I needed to get out of my own head and come to terms with the empty space in my heart. I needed a distraction. I needed to ride the midnight train."