Right Hand On My Heart

Some Might Say

Dave feels as if he's been crushed to pieces, blown to smithereens, and reassembled into a freakish shade of his former self. He isn't sure if this is karma catching up to him for his past transgressions, but it's certainly starting to look like it. Dave has done horrible things to people. Sometimes they were innocent, just trying to get ahead in the world like him, sometimes they had it coming, but there were always casualties along the way.

Kirk wasn't the first boy Dave had taken under his wing. There have been boys like Kirk from the start. More than a few, if Dave's being honest with himself. It started out as a casual thing, paying for someone to pretend to love him, but then he woke up and realized just how lonely that really was. Sure, his initial relationship with Kirk started out like any of the others, but somewhere along the way he had fallen in love with the young man.

He was kind, funny, patient, and didn't even ask for much by way of being spoiled. Asking for things that he wanted always seemed awkward for Kirk, and Dave figured it was because of his upbringing as a child. He didn't come from a poor family, more of a lower middle-class, but he was old friends with struggling to get by. It felt wrong to ask for something in Kirk's eyes. That's probably why he chose to work at Dave's club instead of going to college like kids his age should do.

Everyone before Kirk had been superficial. Only concerned about themselves. Which, maybe, shouldn't surprise Dave since the terms of the relationship were clear, but Dave realizes now that he's played himself. It took him this long to find someone he loves, but now with everything going on Dave has to wonder: does Kirk love him back? Or has this all been a rouse from the start? Was he working with someone else to sabotage him?

He's noticed the way Marty looks at Kirk or how friendly and close Kirk gets when they interact. He's noticed many people showing interest in Kirk. Dave never minded it before, but now... It all starts to make sense. Marty was awfully concerned about Kirk's well-being during their talk and even offered to watch after Kirk. He sounded eager in a way. The more he dwells on it, the more he decides he doesn't very much like the implication of Kirk having an affair with Marty. It makes his chest constrict and his stomach twist with jealousy.

"Dave?"

He's snapped out of delusional spiral into madness and glances over at James who sits there staring at him with a worried expression.

"Huh?"

"Are you okay?" James asks carefully.

"I'm fine," he assures.

No, you're not.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah."

Liar.

"You sound awfully curt," James observes, and he knows he's pushing Dave's patience right now.

"I said I'm fine."

Yeah, and pigs can fly...

"I'm sorry we weren't able to find anything more useful. Some of the dancers weren't exactly forthcoming," James goes onto to say instead, letting out a sigh.

"It's not your fault."

"So what's the plan?"

"I don't know," Dave admits, and he sounds lost. Resigned. "To be honest, I've just been winging it up until now. My life is falling apart around me and I don't know what to fucking do. I don't know who to trust. How sad is that?"

"Look, if you need some time alone, I can look after Kirk until you cool down a little," James offers, leaning across the desk slightly.

Dave slowly brings his attention up towards James and squints at him suspiciously. James doesn't miss the way Dave fixes him with an almost insulted expression. It looks as if Dave is about to explode on him, but he can see how Dave attempts to fight it down.