Right Hand On My Heart

Crazy On You

Kirk is sitting there on the sofa; stunned into silence as James' face goes through a series of changes. It's like he's experiencing the five stages of grief simultaneously and Kirk doesn't know what to say to bring a little levity to the situation. He warned James, but the older guy still went for it. And Kirk let it happen.

"I shouldn't have done that," James apologizes, hanging his head down as he moves away from Kirk and sits on the opposite end of the sofa. "I'm sorry."

"It's just as much as my fault," Kirk says, finding his voice when the tension between them forces him out of acquiescence.

"But I'm responsible for you," James points out.

James gets up from the couch, making Kirk flinch slightly because he snaps up so suddenly. Kirk watches James stand there for a moment with his back towards the kid and his arms folded over his chest, as if in contemplation. Is he going to storm out of here and leave Kirk all alone? Kirk wouldn't blame him, to be honest. When he broke things off with Marty, the guy refused to talk to him for a couple of weeks. It's what he deserved since Kirk was aware of Marty's feelings and never denied or acknowledged a possible future together. And now here he is doing the same thing to James.

When James finally does speak again, it's brief and devoid of any real emotion.

"You hungry? I'll order us some Chinese food," James states before quickly leaving the living room.

Kirk can only look after James' retreating form as he fails to make a response, but he supposes James' question was rhetorical anyway. His stomach growls loudly and Kirk realizes now that it's nearly six o'clock when he decides to check his phone again. Had they really sat on the couch watching tv for that long? Well, obviously, because time doesn't lie. And was that really a problem that Kirk's time with James was dwindling down fast? Kirk wants this to be over and reunited with Dave, right? That was the real goal. Wasn't it?

James doesn't come back into the room and after ten minutes pass, Kirk figures he won't at all; at least not until the food gets here probably. But that's just as well. Kirk flips through the channels in a bored haze until he settles on reruns of Criminal Minds. He actually watches the tv this time instead of messing around on his phone. He plants his elbow on the plushy armrest of the couch and rests his head on his hand. He watches the program with disinterest despite loving the show, but he isn't in a particularly good mood to enjoy it.

He's disappointed in himself for letting it get that far with James. It was just a little kiss, but the damage was done. The fucked up part is that Kirk doesn't fully regret letting it happen either. He's only known James for a couple of days, but apparently that was enough time for him to do something stupid. And it was stupid. Now there's going to be this awkward tension between them, not to mention that a possible friendship with James is now ruined. And what about Dave? Does he tell Dave that James kissed him? That he let James kiss him? Kirk can't even begin to explain how that kiss made him feel.

It was like playing with fire; frightened and excited that you might get burned if you're not quick enough, but needing that burn all the same to remember you're alive.

In the kitchen, James is pouring himself a cup of coffee. He made too much earlier and now the stuff in the pot was long cold by now, but he needs something to occupy him as he waits for the food to get here. He doesn't even bother sweetening it or making the taste more bearable; decides he doesn't really deserve it. He can hear the tv softly playing from the other room and nothing else. Kirk doesn't bother trying to come talk to him, which is understandable. He overstepped a boundary with Kirk and now Kirk wants nothing to do with him. Simple as that.

Kirk trying to shift blame and say it was his own fault was just the kid being polite. James knows this is all on him. James is the one in charge; responsible. He is the adult, for lack of a better word, and he took advantage of Kirk while the kid was weak. Never in his life has he messed up so colossally. James is lucky if Kirk decides not to tell Dave, because James sure as hell isn't. He hates keeping secrets from his friend, but Dave would kill him. Okay, maybe kill is an over exaggeration, but Dave would definitely cut all ties with him.