BOND

46.

But can I keep your favorite shirt?

The one that's a little too big with the cigarette burns

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.

Elena woke up pretty normally as compared to how she did now in cold sweat or screaming or terrified out of her mind or all of them at once. Quickly enough she recognized that something was different.

The bedroom door was closed. Chase checked up on her about fifty times per minute and not once had he ever closed the door. Hesitantly, she called out his name and Ben of all people came in.

"Hey," he trailed off with a timid look on his face.

Elena smiled and propped up onto the horde of pillows on the backrest. "Hey." She waved a hand drowsily, "Come in."

Ben settled on the extreme edge of the bed, staying overly cautious. "How are you?"

She hadn't really been around the boys much so it took her a couple of seconds to adjust to the setting. "Good."

He didn't believe it but she hadn't expected him to. "Where is everybody?"

Usually voices drifted up if even two of Chase, Michael and Joey were in the house and they always were.

"Joey and Mike are out somewhere," he looked down at the bed sheets and she thought he knew where somewhere was. "Chase had a meeting with some buyer."

She nodded and took a bite off the chocolate bar from the bedside table, a major source of whatever nourishment she was getting. She'd woken up from a nightmare. She couldn't remember it but it wasn't hard to guess.

"Alex is downstairs," Ben pointed towards the door.

She could sense his uncomfortableness from the rigid posture to the erratic glances. "Chill out Ben, I'm still the person who dragged your sleepy ass to get ice cream at two in the morning."

He cracked out a smile and she relaxed further. He opened and closed his mouth a couple of times and she waited.

"I'm sorry," he breathed out. "That what happened had to happen to you."

Elena teared up very slightly, it didn't take much to make her emotional, and she blinked away quickly. He shuffled closer and held out his hand. She slowly laid hers on it and he wrapped it up lightly.

"I don't know what I'm supposed to do," she admitted, her voice barely above a whisper but clearly audible in the silent house. "Everybody has been looking for Reese. As soon as Joey recovers you all will have to spend all your time practicing," she stopped abruptly her thoughts wandering to her own practice sessions. "All I've been doing is-"

"All you should be doing," he cut in firmly. 

She squeezed his hand at the fidelity and went on, "I'm feeling useless. I've never felt  this way before." Instinctively memories surfaced of hands pressing up against her body, touching her, hurting her and she shrunk away from his touch wrapping a blanket around her whole body to keep him out as much as keep herself in.

She had started to feel the urge of covering herself up as much as she could when she was in the house. Outside, it couldn't be helped. People stared, discussed their conspiracy theories. Some of them were passed onto her, others didn't dare to mention all the wounds. 

She licked her lips, her throat dry from minimal usage. "I can't help any of you." 

Not like you are helping me. She wasn't blind to their efforts, all the untiring attempts to make her feel even a tiny bit comfortable. From opening doors to spending every free minute of their day within a mile radius of her, every single thing they did just added to the increasing file of debts she couldn't possibly pay back.