Ncis : Facing the Past. (Ncis fan fiction)

Last days

May 23rd 2005

It was one day when the director called me up to his office. Considering our case load had been light lately, and whatever we were working on was not of importance, his request left me uncertain of what to expect. No one else was around. McGee was once again down in Abby's lab doing anything he could to impress her, and Tony was still on sick leave after contracting y pestis a few weeks before. I was worried about him. I knew he would be fine but a piece of doubt still troubled me.

Reluctantly, I left my desk and made my way up towards his office. Usually tony would follow behind and listen through the door to get the latest gossip or embarrassing detail about me, but today his presence was missed. You never realise how much someone is a part of your life until they're gone...

As I entered, the director was sat at his desk. The pumpkin orange theme the rest of the building had acquired also continued into his office. As I got closer he gestured to the empty seat opposite him signalling me to sit, I did so, beginning to worry. His stern face stared back at me as he began to speak.

"Agent Todd, as I'm sure you're aware sometimes agents identities become... Compromised..."

... Compromised? I was suddenly baffled, what was he trying to insinuate? Had I done something? Broken procedure?

"...yes it's a risk that faces us everyday." I replied, expecting him to lecture me about safety and policies. Instead there was silence. The ticking of the wall clock behind me echoed inside my head as I tried to piece together the meaning of this meeting. Every time I'd been in the directors office before, it had been to explain a case or a high clearance mission. However this time something felt off. Even sensing that, i still wasn't prepared for what he said next...

It took me a few seconds to comprehend what he had just said.

"I'm in danger?" I stated already knowing the answer. He nodded eerily. "Tony? Is tony...in danger?" I asked worried more about him than myself.

"No it's just you agent Todd your details were given to a number of organisations who are out to kill you. we can't just put you in a safe house for you to live in peace,You'll need a whole new identity. I'm sorry. For you and your team to be fully safe we have to take every precaution. including leading everyone to believe you are dead..." I was completely shocked. I had always made it my priority that My personal details were kept safe. How did this happen?

The director continued... " Ari haswari has agreed to help you fake your death since gibbs already distrusts him. In our case this may be an advantage. I know this may be hard but for the agency's security it's our only choice." i could sense it was his last option, the director had never sounded so sincere.

"Can I at least say goodbye?" I muttered it was all a could manage.

" I'm sorry Caitlin, no one can know, not tony, not gibbs, not abby. It's for their own good. Only me, Ducky, and ari must ever know of this." The director said. I knew he was right but I so badly wanted to say what needed to be said. I felt my weight sink into the chair as I asked "What must I do?"

As l left his office I looked around, my last days living as Caitlin Todd and everyone was completely unaware. So many things I wanted to do, see, say... Before I could burst into tears a familiar voice echoed from behind

"Hi Kaaattteee!" it was tony. Part of me wanted to run up and hug him but my will was stopped by all the thoughts and plans the director had put into my head. These were my last days so to speak. I had to be careful with how I spent them. No one could notice any difference in my behaviour.

As the day went on many things occupied my mind, the hard part was no one was allowed to see them. The only one who could sense my tension was ducky. With him having to fake the autopsy He knew the truth But it was too risky to open up how I truly felt to him. Gibbs had the tendency to appear behind people silently and we couldn't risk it getting out. For everyone's sake.

As my last night came I couldn't help but look at the stars. I knew they wouldn't change when I 'died' but I was scared I would. Everyone else would continue with their lives but I had to start again as someone new. I was scared.

The last day passed. no matter how many times I wished the time would slow down, it didn't. Every chance I got I would log their faces. Hoping never to forget them. Every chance I spoke could have been my last, Every conversation could be the final one I have with them. Leaving Abby's lab for the last time stung. Her happy little face watching me as i left. I was overridden with guilt. Something I'd hope I would forget with time. Nevertheless the time finally came and the inevitable happened, ari took his fake bullet, I fell. I was dead as far as they knew.

The ride back to headquarters in the open body bag was something I'd never want to feel again. Lying there pretending to be dead, watching them break down was the hardest thing I have ever done. So many times I just wanted to get up, so many times I almost did. One person I couldn't bare to watch was tony. His childish personality disappeared altogether and for the first time I saw him cry. He didn't let gibbs see it of course but It was enough for me to see he really cared. I felt so guilty. It wasn't his fault but he had to suffer.

It was the last time I saw their faces.