31 Days

Day 3

Alex POV~

When I woke up this morning I felt weird. There isn't another word to describe this feeling.

**Flashback**

12:20

Walking fast down the fight of steps I finally made it to the youth section.

Right turn.

Finally in the boys section.

Something in my brain automatically clicked. Why would Jared not meet me at the spot? Something told me that something happened to him. I don't know what but it just felt wrong.

Click.

The doorknob made a small noise as I turned it to the left.

I mentally held my breath as I prepared for the scene in front of me.

As I walked in I stared at the man sleeping peacefully in the bed.

Beep. Beep. Beep.

His heart monitor chorused carelessly letting me know he was alive.

I looked at his left arm. Currently bandaged in white gauze.

You might be wondering why or even how he had the chance to do this in a ward. 

Well you got me.

Poking his arm roughly his eyes finally fluttered open.

"Hi." I whispered

**End of Flashback**

As of now I'm still curious as to why he did it.

Though he explained it to me I still didn't grasp it.

Paper clip.

Sadness.

Anger. 

Just a few points of his story I did latch on too.

But maybe in a way I did understand.

Maybe I understood the sadness that tortured him to the very end.

Its not a maybe.

I do understand wanting to die.

Not wanting to feel so sad and helpless.

Not wanting to wait for the happiness to come, but to grab death by the throat.

To die by your own hand, before someone else gas the chance to end you.

Whether it be by heartbreak or by murder.

Or even waiting for the sweet bliss of death to take you by sleep.

Damn I'm morbid.

Pulling myself out of this uncomfortable bed. I realized that it was already almost lunch time.

Doing the normal morning routine, (that I literally started 2days ago).

I showered brushed my teath and let my hair air dry.

I quickly threw some black yoga pants and an old Nirvana sweater on.

Knowing their was no way in hell I was putting on makeup I closed the bathroom door and made my way down to the cafeteria.

"Mmmmmm"

Walking into the cafeteria I decided to do a good deed.

I quickly scanned the food picking up 5 pieces of French toast, 10 pieces of bacon, and a banana. Then I grabbed 2 chocolate milks and an iced coffee.

I walked over to the register and scanned my patient ID. The man working at the register stared at me and the amount of food I got. He quickly recovered from the amount of stock he suffered from. Note the sarcasm. Then he placed the food in a to go bag and I walked over to the steps.

The youth ward isn't a very complex place. Easy to remember.

After I hit the desired floor I quickly turned to the right.

Click.

The door again.

~JARED POV~

Click.

Looking over to that obnoxious door I saw a flash of chocolate brown hair.

Alex.

She walked in with a bag full of different things and looked over to me. Shyness radiating off of her every move.

"Umm. I brought you food." She walked over to me awkwardly setting the French toast, bacon, and 2 chocolate milks on the table.

She quickly made her way over to the visitor chair that was available.

"Yesssssss." I breathed, ripping off the top of the take out plate. Then I slapped a plain piece of French toast in my mouth. I proceeded to rip a packet of cheap syrup open and poured it into my mouth to aid the taste of the French toast.

This is me being lazy.

"Ewwie, yah nasty" Alex smiled goofily and giggled to herself.

I swallowed the food in my mouth only to stick out my younger at her.

I wonder...

Why her.

Why did she willingly listen to my story.

Why did she care?

Or was it out of pity.

No.

If there's one thing I know, it's pity.

The look of 'I'm sorry you feel this way, I want to help but I cant'

That look.

I took in her features.

One of the things that drew me in were her eyes.

Not the color. But the void. It seemed like an empty space. Nothing. No sadness, happiness, anger, regret. All I could see was an empty space. It was like she wasn't even human. Like she was numb of all emotion a normal human would have.

So I stared.

And stared.

Wondering what did I have to do to be numb. I want to be numb. To throw out all sadness.

I wondered what it would be like. Would people notice?

If I slapped a smile on would they notice then?

After an hour of staring and eating she left me alone with my thoughts. The very thoughts that will eventually drive me insane.

Or am I already insane...

The day went by...

Just like that it's now 10:00pm lights out. And I'm still staring at the wall. I guess what's better then sleeping.

With that I ended my day. Allowing darkness engulf me once again.

This darkness. Its serine.

But knowing that I had to wake up the next day... is the absolute worst feeling I could ever feel.

HEY YOU SEXY PEOPLES.
lol.
I don't know if anyone is reading as of now... but so far I got 16 reads. I just wanna say thank you so much. Literally it means the world.
But anyways. I hope you liked the chapter... it took me a while to upload it because of reasons.
Anyways I hope to update soon!
Bubbyeeeee

Ps: I'll be posting a song with each chapter.

The song is Sia- Breathe Me