Sobriety

Xanax

Whoa, that Xanax make you trip, I still ain't got no whip
I still ain't got no friends
At least I got my family, bullshit

Im 22 , in college trying to do something with my life....I spent my whole year at 19 traveling the world working on my music , my writing, trying to find myself. My mom .... My mom wants me to get married find a husband. My dad hasn't loved me since I was 8 , I guess his little girl grew up ....

I head to my creative writing course and pull out my laptop .My Professor says " write a bio about yourself ... tell me your name , about your family ... explain why your here at Howard "

I type and start " My name is Tahlia im 22 years old . My mom and dad stay in my home town of St.Louis. My mom wants the best for me and My dad can't stand me . My dad's militant mind was meant for a boy not for me . He raised me and talked to me like I was the son he didnt get . My mom she said I was too sensitive she says I had to get over it  . Thats probably why im so messed up im on xanax ... been on it for 2 or 3 months..speaking of that i've been visiting with my therapist . He says my anxiety is getting better . I came to Howard because its far away from my family I know that might sound rude but I needed to get away ..."

My professor says " okay I want you guys to stop writing and send me what you have so far I will email feedback  you guys can talk amongst yourselves for the last 30 minutes' I email him my writing and one of my classmates taps my shoulder . I look over and see some girl eyeng me I say " ummm??" She says " your hair is beautiful..." I say " thanks ... " I put my laptop case around my shoulder and walk out to the quad and this guy runs into me. I say ' what the fuck?' He says " damn ma im sorry" i say " you almost took my damn shoulder off" He walks over to me " im sorry ma I wasn't watching were I was going " I say ' mhhm well watch were you going ..' He says " your in my music history class right?" I say " yeah ..." I look at his face and he' s attractive ... He smiles " Im Isaiah" I smile " Im Tahlia " He says " nice meeting you " I smile " yeah you too see you around" He says " yeah see you "

I walk to my off-campus apartment and head up to my floor. I get on the elevator and up to the 4th floor I go ... I walk into my room and see my roommate Willow she says " hello my fair lady" I chuckle " whats up " She says " well .. Matthew's here .." I say " here as in" She says " he's in the bathroom we had a little talk " I laugh " dont get grown" I walk to my room and lay out on the bed.. No more classes today and its Friday so im free.... I call Preston " hey you got something for me?" He says" have you took all of your xanax ?" I say " no ... I want some trees come over" He says " really ??" I say " its friday im free your free" He says " I got things to do im sorry" I say " okay ..." I hang up 

My weed guy has got plans , willow and Matt are everywhere... I get up and check my closet and see that my bong is gone... I say " who took my fucking bong ??" Matthew says " sorry I was borrowing it " I say "  ask next time " He says ' Okay ..willow went out to get some food .. you good?" I say ' I'm on Xanax now Matt" He says " im glad your on something you needed it " I say ' yeah .... you good ?' He says ' willows trying to make this thing official but I dont want to' I say ' why she likes you' He says ' i like her too but its someone else I like' I say " ohh well figure out your shit " He smirks " yeah I will .. one of my friends wants to come over and chill is that good?" I say " yeah'

--2 hours later--

 I hear a knock at the door .. I get up and answer it and see Isaiah from earlier he smiles " hey Matthew here??" I say " yeah their -smiles- on the couch" He walks in and talks to them I head to my room and take two of my xanax . He knocks on my door " can I come in ?" I say " yeah .."He comes in " you on xans?" I say " yeah .. just for my anxiety " He says " does that actually help?"  I say " yeah as long as I get my occasional spliff in there " He smirks and sits on my bed " soo tahlia .. your how old ?" I laugh " 22 why ?" He laughs " just curious im 23 " I say " cool .." We chill around and talk for a while and he says " you wanna smoke?" I say " smoke what?" He says " trust me you'll like it" I laugh " okay " He says " you got some rolling papers??" I say ' yeah check the dresser it should be a pack or two in there ' He opens the drawer and we roll up some and smoke about 2 . 

I hear my phone ringing and I pick it up " yeah" My mom says " Tahlia honey how are you" I say " im good ma " She says " you dating any one" I say " no mom" She says "are you still smoking?" I say" mom dont start this please " She says " if you stopped smoking so much and went out you would find a nice guy" I say " mother .. " she says " I would rather you be happy and sober than high and alone " I say " did you call for this .. to lecture me " She says " I just want the best for you tahlia ...." I say " ok ...." She says " your dad's gonna call you tomorrow so .. " I say " okay mom bye" She says "bye .. " I hang up and Isaiah says " whats wrong?" I say " my mom wants me to stop smoking and live a fairytale life Its not a fucking fairytale" Isaiah sits up and says " ....Just calm down" I start pacing and say " and my dad their the reason I do this shit .. I came down here to get away from them ... " Isaiah stands up and wraps his arms around me " Tahlia ... Calm down your gonna give yourself an anxiety attack"  I stop walking and just slide down the wall . I say " Isaiah you can do much better than me why are you even here?" He says " baby girl were friends " I say "i dont have friends" He says " willow , matt , me "  I say "I dont deserve you guys " He says " yes you do you deserve a lot love , friendship "  I sit their and try to stay calm I call my therapist and he tells me to come in first thing in the morning . Isaiah says " im staying the night so make room " I say " okay" I take a long shower and put on a big t shirt . I walk out and Isaiah smiles at me " man your beatuiful" I laugh ' are you blind Isaiah ??" He says " no your beautiful " I say " thanks" I open up my laptop and he says " woahh who's that on your picture?" I say " me ... Isaiah why is there an issue ?" He chuckles " noo you look ... wow " I laugh " I was going through a ombre phase" He smiles " well I like your black hair" I laugh  " thanks" I go to my notes and scroll he says " whats that ?" I say " just some songs I've wrote" He says " you write too " I say " yeah .. songs , poems all that "  He smiles " cool ..." I put my computer on the charger and lay on the bed. Isaiah says " so where can I sleep?" I say " you can lay on the other end of my bed .." He says " okay " He lays down and he says " i can take you to the therapist's office tomorrow if you want" I say " okay its at 10 " He says " imma probably go change and i'll be back to get you" I say " okay " ... We lay down and talk somemore.

--TBC--