Lantern of Shadow (Book I): There's Always Darkness In The Light

Chapter 4: Bittersweet Past

"Was it hard?" I ask.
Letting go?"

Not as hard as holding on to something that wasn't real."--Lisa Schroeder

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"Remus."

"Severus."

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They both stared at each other, one of them in disbelief that the other is actually here and the other in anguish as he was re-living his nightmare once again. Severus swallowed thickly as his mouth went dry at the sight of his old lover.

He suddenly remembered those endless nights he had spent under the other man's warm embrace, he remembered the secret kisses they shared before, during and after classes. It was the only thing that helped him feel like he was a normal student at the time. Their secret rendezvous helped his depression and anxiety so much that when they broke it off he had spiralled into a new set of depression and anxiety.

He painfully remembered the warmth of Remus' lips that would linger for a moment on his before he would reluctantly pull away, he remembered all of them too clearly for his liking. Damn him, he thought that he had moved on but he knew the small part in him doesn't want to move on. Doesn't want to forget. Damn him for being so weak when it comes to Remus Lupin.

Severus could feel hot tears starting to form and he wanted, oh Merlin he wanted so much to scream and shout at the person who's still staring dumbly in front of him. It was his nightmare all over again, isn't it enough for him to relive the whole thing while he sleeps? Now he has to do it again in real life, he was sure that both Fate and Life hates him or have a grudge on him. Did he kick a puppy in his last life or something? He looked at the man who was the reason he falls into a deep depression, the reason he was alone, but he couldn't blame him because how can he?

It was his decision to join Voldemort and no amount of regretting his decision would turn back the time, even though he knew he wouldn't change it he would definitely change the way he approaches his choice.

Severus didn't realize that he was trembling until he let out a shaky breath. His heart had been pounding erratically and his breathing had begun to laboured. No, he thought, he couldn't let this petty thing affect him. He had face Voldemort multiple times and the sight of his old lover is the one that affected him the most? Please.

He took a deep breath and straightened his posture and look at the werewolf straight in the eyes. "So, you heard." He begins, he received a silent nod as an answer and he nodded back in response. "Come inside then... Sirius and Petunia are out for the day..." He said as he took a step back to let the man in.

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Remus walked stiffly inside, he has no idea how to react, his brain has gone haywire. He had tons of suspicion when Sirius had owled him to come to the location but meeting Severus was not one of them. When the door opened, revealing Severus his mouth went dry and his mind went blank. He looked as gorgeous as he had looked like back in Hogwarts, glamour or no. He thought he had moved on, apparently not. Apparently his heart still longed for him. Apparently some part of him still loves Severus and apparently he didn't mind it one bit.

Remus took his coat off and followed Severus silently to the living room. The potion master signed him to take a seat on the sofa and left the room to make tea for the guest and with that Remus was left with his own devices.