Broken ➳ Sam Wilkinson [ completed ]

21

   TRIGGER WARNING : Might make you cry, I low key cried while writing this so get your tissues ready. 

  Alyssa's P.O.V. || EDITED

   I was laying on the guest bed while 'Song Cry' was playing by August Alsina. Every time I hear this song, I get in my feelings for some odd reason. And right now, I was definitely in my feelings. I have been laying here for the past two hours with my 'love' playlist on. Basically, a playlist I created a while ago with songs that put me in my feelings.

   I can't believe I'm cheating on Sam and that I am okay with it. I cried and cried and cried when Sam cheated on me because I was so hurt yet here I am, cheating on him. I said that I would never ever cheat on Sam - or anyone for that matter - but I'm doing it right now.

   I'm fucking with Derek while I'm with Sam. That's a real hoe move, I know, I just can't stop. I keep cheating on Sam over and over again and I can't stop, no matter how hard I try to. I hate myself for doing this to him but he did the exact same thing to me - twice, or it could have been more (who the fuck knows). 

   I hate the fact that I am cheating on him but shit, everyone needs a little bit of Daddy Luh in their life. His dick so good I come back for more everyday. I haven't had sex with Sam in a week. I can't use the 'I'm on my period' excuse anymore because even he knows that they only last for about a week. I just can't sleep with him while I'm sleeping with someone else.

   I've had to cover so many hickeys the past few days, I'm starting to run out of foundation. I actually almost forgot to cover one up the other day but thank God I realized it before I went downstairs. 

   I listened as the song slowly came to a close. Next up was 'LA Confidential' by Tory Lanez. Ah, this perfectly describes Derek and I's relationship - or whatever the hell you want to call it. Even though I have someone - and he's well aware of that - we still fuck. All the lyrics relate to my current situation in so many ways.

  Sam would leave me if he heard about this and I honestly pray to God that he doesn't have to hear about it. Every night, I hope and pray that Sam doesn't have to find out that I have been so unloyal to him for the past few days - it would kill him and I know it.

  Yet, I still continue to fuck around on him. The next song on the list was 'Amnesia' by 5 Seconds of Summer. This song kind of relates to my situation but not so much. Nobody left me or anything, I just wish I could forget about everything that's been happening recently. I wish I could forget everything that I have done. 

  If this was all just a dream and none of it was really happening, I would be so so happy. I can't keep doing this to Sam but I don't want to stop fucking with Derek. 

  The next song that played was 'I'm Not the Only One' by Sam Smith. This didn't really relate to me that much but more to Sammy. He's not the only one that I'm fucking with or calling baby. I'm lying and I am slowly tearing this relationship up. 

  I sighed and looked down at my lap. I am such a horrible person. I laid there and eventually fell asleep to 'Wicked Games' by The Weeknd playing quietly in the background.

  || the next day ||

  "Guys, we're going swimming!" Nate exclaimed with a wide smile on his face. "All of us, I don't care if you don't want to go. We are going to go swimming and have fun - we only have two weeks left in Omaha so lets make the most of it!"

  I started to panic on the inside. Oh my God, my hickeys were still there. They cleared up a little bit but there's always more added on each day. I don't have that crap that those makeup guru's have - you know, that waterproof foundation or the primer, or whatever the fuck it's called. I could go to the store and buy some but I don't feel like going anywhere.