S T A L K E R

5

I'm hightailing through the parking lot. Flickering tube lights cast a scary look in the enormous space. I find my car and hastily open the door throwing my things in the back seat before I get in and put on my seat belt. I still have half an hour till I have to pick up carter and find a new place for him to go. The car slowly moves forward once I put it into drive. I'm ecstatic, thank God. I didn't know what the hell else to do. My phone is pinging, I don't want to look but I do anyway once I'm in line behind the other cars leaving the building.

Don't hate me, I did what I thought was best.
-unknown

It's stupid of me to be upset with her. I just keep finding ways to distance myself. I don't want the commitment, the feelings- it's all too much. Sam needs to respect that but until then I'll continue treating her the same way because there is no us. I'm not gay it was just experimenting, a small moment of weakness even. Well never be compatible. There are other messages. One is from my father, the others are from colleagues.

Carter's name is mentioned and I immediately zone in. He can't pay this months tuition for his daycare. I kiss my teeth and chuck the phone to the side. He's never given us anything. The one time he gave me money was to leave the house and take Carter now all of a sudden he's paying tuition? This stupid fuck has some damn nerve. I'm laughing one minute then having a breakdown the next. My hands hit any and everything in their path. The horn is my victim. I don't stop until I'm snapped out of my daze when I hear other horns behind me.

I'm dodging cars left and right. I just want to keep driving until I hit a wall. I'm tired of this. Why couldn't we have other obstacles. I would have rather being dirt poor than having a family like mine. I love Carter but I hate being Mom, Dad and sister. I hate that my life was snatched from me to take care of someone else's. I want to just run away but I can't. It's long been clear, Carter and me. There's no other way. He couldn't help himself, it wouldn't be fair to just pack up and leave.

I'm further downtown when I see a baby store. Parking I get out and head inside. I don't have a lot on my card but I'm going I can find a cheap car seat until I'm reimbursed with this months paycheck. I greet the woman at the head of the store . I see baby clothes and stop for a little bit. Children were the last thing on my mind yet, for some reason, I'm standing looking longingly at the small clothes. My belly flutters but it stops once I feel someone is following me while I move through the isles and head for the car seats.

I stop and turn not in the mood for the bullshit. The woman from the front of the store is following me. Her blue eyes grow wide once she notices me staring her down angrily.There are others in here but I guess she wanted to try some shit today. I am not in the mood and honestly I'm just waiting for the right person to pop off. She sees this and retreats. I finger the tags, looking at the prices. Even if they're cheap I still feel the material to see if it's suitable for Carter, he has sensitive skin. The cheapest one is $99 it's durable and that's all I care about. By time he outgrows this he won't be needing a car seat.

      Soon I'm at the front of the store, seat in hand getting a comfortable feel of it in my hand as I hand my card to the lady at the register. She eyes me timidly and sends a faint smile. It's fake like the rest of her. I hate people like her. It's obvious why she followed me all the way through the isles. I'm not going to smile and pretend that all is well after she just marked me. She runs the card and a loud beep echoes. Please don't let this be happening. I can't take the embarrassment especially after I just came all the way up here.

"I'm sorry but your card isn't going through." She smiles a stupid little condescending smirk and reaches under the desk.

     The scissor happy bitch is all to calm raising the blades to my card. I snatch it out of her hand and run it myself. "It's a MasterCard you run it the other way." I want to say 'You know when you're sucking and fucking to get front desk it's better you know what you're doing.' but I remain civil. This is the exact reaction she wanted and I'm not going to play out her little fantasy. It goes through and the machine begins to chitter once the receipt is processed. I don't wait for her to collect herself as I grab everything and leave.