【 Thanking Betrayal 】 Yandere Dazai x reader

【11 ➢ Loneliness】

The smirk spread across Dazai's face radiated confidence and suggestive vibes, you felt so speechless, how could someone go from threatening to making flirtatious sex jokes?! 

"Common Y/n! Why so serious?" Dazai played his words off with a smirk, your brain hearing these words but not processing any of it completely. Dazai adjusting to reach for the sake after a moment of silence.

"You're not drinking, you already act high without drugs!" You panic, you didn't trust Dazai enough to drink with him. You hadn't drunk much and knew you were a lightweight, you could barely trust Dazai with his sudden sociopathic sides slipping out from that cheerful demeanour, you didn't trust him at all. Just because he lied for you doesn't mean you'd give him your trust, it was broken down and build back up too many times to fall for such a little act of kindness. Being with Dazai always made you second guess everything, Dazai probably knew that too. You weren't a good liar.

That's why Mori taught me to never turn off my abilities-

No.

You hated those thoughts, you hated Mori as a person. You didn't want to think of him, why did he build you up so high just to betray you and kick you back down? What was all that brutal abusive training for? Did he just want to make up something strong and destroy it to appear stronger? 

Am I being too narcissistic for thinking I'm actually strong?

"Y/n? Are you alright?" A tap on the shoulder flinches you back into the present, the unpleasant memories fading out of your main thoughts yet the residue leaves a tingling aftertaste, your chest feels fluttered in a way, like an untouched nerve was just cut clean, you hated this. You hated whats happened to you, but you know hating something won't make it go away, you know that everything is all finished and that you are the only one who needs to move on. 

It's all my fault. 

"Y/n!" You snapped back into reality this time, flinching and looking up to Dazai who held your shoulders tightly and looking deep into your eyes. You knew he was reading you, you knew you could be easily read without your ability, and you hated it. Without your abilities you felt like nothing, you were nothing. At least...that's what Mori told you, that's what Tachihara joked about when you first joined the organization, that's what the guards would joke about when you first came into the mafia, that you were just a pretty face waiting for the underworld to break you. But you proved them wrong, your abilities are apart of your identity, the way you fight, the way you talk to people, everything uses your abilities. But with Dazai, you're stripped of all your covers, there are no more places to hide, it's just you, the real you. And you don't need your ability to know Dazai is aware. 

"We don't have to drink, but next time I'll see if you're up for it!" Dazai smiles to you, once he lets go of your shoulders only then did you realize the tight grip he had on you. Is he able to read me? How much did he see? How can I live with someone like Dazai? 

"You- What you just suddenly changed your mind? You're reading me, aren't you?" You yell, anger laced in your voice with your eyebrows furrowed in frustration. You step away from Dazai, distancing yourself from the brunette, yet Dazai's happy face drops. His eyebrows lower closer to his half-lidded eyes and his smile drops, it looks angry, relaxed, disappointed, too many expressions at the same time for you to read. Your anger is belittled as your mind goes blank yet filled with questions and thoughts at the same time. 

"Yes, I read you, what would you prefer, Y/n?" Dazai closes the distance between the both of you, the closer he gets the more you feel inferior to him. You hate this, you joined the mafia because it was safer being the threat than the one in danger. Yet here you are, the one in danger with a supposed good guy. 

"W-What...would I prefer..?" You asked, your voice minuscule compared to the tone and volume you imagined in your head. 

Stop shaking.

Stop shaking.

Stop shaking.

"Would you have preferred I ignored how you don't trust me, how you hate and fear me? Would you rather I have manipulated you into drinking?" Dazai asked in a low voice, you freeze in place, unconsciously leaning back a bit as your feet are stuck in place from the shock. Your eyes wide as you process Dazai's words.

"What do you want, Y/n?" Dazai's tone is teasing but dark, you hate how he can read everything about you like an open book. Everything he says is right, but your brain refuses to process it. 

He's right.

What did I want?

"I might not know what I want, but I know what I don't want. And what I don't want is how you're treating me-" You lean forward, your eyebrows furrowed with a challenging tone. Dazai's lips pout in an annoying way, making you happy at his discontent. 

"Now leave me alone."