The Hope Of It All | Harry Potter

CHP 5 : I NEVER HAD THE COURAGE

Tom Riddle. What a strange name. I looked at myself in the mirror, studying my own reflection so intensely I half expect Riddle to suddenly pop up and replace me. My hair was silky, long and dark, my nose was straight and cheek bones high, my jaw and face were sharp and stony- marble like. The only feature to look out of place were my eyes. The same as mom's. A vibrant blue. The same as Sirius's.

I was never compared to anyone, no one ever made the connection between my parents and me. I wasn't used to this, but apparently some man I had never met in my life resembled me strongly enough for Harry to notice.

Some things just didn't add up- Sirius, my tattoo, mom's secret past, the death eaters. Maybe there was a reason why she never spoke of her childhood. But now she won't have the chance to tell me. Maybe it was what she wanted.

As evening approached and I became restless in my blank room, excitement started seeping into my bones as the meeting tonight came to mind. Finally some answers! Hoping happily down the stairs and into the kitchen Remus Lupin greeted me.

"How are you feeling, Tom?" he said with a gentle and tired smile. Once again I noticed the old clothes and scars on his face, a sharp contrast to his almost withdrawn personality.

"Better." I replied honestly. The pain of losing my house and parents was dulled by the unknown surrounding me. We walked quietly to the table, sitting opposite Snape, who gave as both his trademark sneer. One by one Order members were filling the empty sits as Lupin whispered to me their names. Bill ("Ron's brother!"), Mundungus, Tonks, Moody ("he was there when I woke up"), Kingsley and a few others. Harry and his friends walked in, anticipation in their step, but were quickly ushered out by Molly. Sirius put a comforting hand on Harry's shoulder before sitting next to Lupin, sending a sneer at Snape.

The noisy room turned silent in a matter of seconds, marking the arrival of Dumbledore. He looked... tired. Bothered. My gaze followed him closely as I leaned on the table, catching the eyes of a few members.

"Welcome everyone!" Albus started, arms open wide and a smile on his face, "Before we dive into today's topic I would like to hear developments regarding your tasks. Shacklebolt- let's start with you..."

The reports lasted half an hour, each member speaking about tasks unclear to my muggle knowledge. I caught onto some talk about a Department of Mysteries and a weapon but having no clue what it actually meant the information slipped beneath my fingers.

"Thank you Tonks," Dumbledore finally said, his eyes turned to me, the familiar twinkle making itself known," Now as you may have noticed, we have a new face sitting here," he gestured at me and I had to fight blushing at all the attention," May I present to you- Tom Alwood."

The reactions to me were divided. The older members were eyeing me cautiously yet the younger ones simply smiled and said hello.

"Miss Alwood was attacked by a Death Eater and had to go into hiding. I have a theory I want to test- Miss Alwood if you would-"he waved me over, and I stood up on weak legs. He presented me with his wand, a beautifully carved piece of wood.

"Now, please, concentrate and say Lumos. The tip of the wand should light up- if you are indeed a witch, that is."

I watched the wand with fascination, the warmth making my hand slightly tingle. I thought about home and picnic days, and willed the light from fond memories to brighten my present.

I thought I had gone blind for a second. The light from the wand was so strong I could feel it. "That's good, now if you would hand it over," Dumbledore loudly said over the complaints of others. The moment it slipped from my grasp the light stopped and I watched Lupin and Sirius adorning matching grins.

"How is that possible Albus!" Moody loudly proclaimed from his sit," How come no one knew about her existence until now?" murmurs of agreement and wonder danced around the table.

"I am sorry to say that I have no idea," he calmly answered," but it is a question worth delving into and I shall put some much needed time into it."

"What will happen to me?" I asked slight fear in my voice. The horror movies I used to watch about wizards danced before my eyes.

"Rest assured no harm will come upon you," he softly said, "I think it best if you come to Hogwarts and begin your education."

I toyed with the idea of a magical school, and of pointy hats and heavy spell books. The notion was amusing yet slightly absurd. "I don't think I belong here, I am no witch. I- I have my own school and friends. I have a family. I-"my voice shook as I took a step back. Snape scoffed and rolled his eyes-"I told you she would act like this."

"Shut it Snavillus," Sirius growled.

"Wait Tom, you do belong, "Lupin got up from his sit, his arms outstretched in a calming manner, "What you just did- that's magic. You are special."

"Special? Special people like you ruined my life!" I said with venom, tears gathering in the corners of my eyes. If the man who killed my dog and harmed dad was a part of this world than I didn't want it. I didn't want this cruel privilege. I wanted to go home.

But I destroyed it, didn't I? I blew it up. Because I'm special. A time bomb. Who knows, maybe next time it wouldn't be property but someone I care about.

I ran out of the kitchen before anyone could stop me. The thought of meeting the other kids upstairs sickened me and I took a sharp turn to the left and sprinted out the front door, my boots hitting the pavement and the cold evening air finally entering my lungs.

The first sob escaped me as I fell to my knees in a nearby park. Faintly my mind recognized that street as the one I had ran into a week prior. I cried for my past and my stolen future. I cried for my friends, for my home, for dad and Bentley and the painting on my wall. I cried and cried until my head hurt and my face was soaked with salty tears. I cried until I didn't. Sitting on the synthetic grass and watching the empty park with a blank stare, I couldn't even phantom a single coherent thought except the pathetic self-pity.

"Harry." my voice was void of any emotion. He sat on the grass near me, his eyes looking ahead. I noticed it was chilly but neither of us complained about the lack of warm clothes.

"I was eleven when they told me I was a wizard," He quietly said, his gentle voice caressing the swings and slides, "It was the happiest day of my life. My childhood was not a happy one you see, and most of time I spent imagining someone coming and whisking me away. And then they told me and I was finally free. Free of my horrible aunt and uncle, free of the tiny cupboard under the stairs. A magical moment indeed."

"I was free beforehand. I don't need salvation." I stated.

"But I hadn't gotten salvation. It was the happiest day of an eleven year old. Now, it is a turning point, neither good nor bad. From one cage I was put into another. The biggest threat to me now is not a missing meal or my uncle's anger. Now I fear the death of my friends. I fear of oncoming wars and my role in them. We don't always know what life will bring. You think I knew I would be the target of Voldemort when Hagrid told me about Hogwarts and magic?" he chuckled and I was amazed at his humility. His story seemed horrible, yet he shrugged off his potential death as if it was nothing.

"Not to sound like a shitty person, but how is that supposed to cheer me up?" he laughed out loud and I couldn't help but smile.

"What I am trying to say here," he looked at me, raising his eyebrows playfully, "is that you might think your life is screwed, and you will never feel the same happiness again. But what if it is just a turning point? What if, in a sense, it was...meant to be?"

"I just need time to mourn my old life. Everything is about to change."

"And isn't that a curios thought." He smiled easily.

I let out a sigh, "Coming back inside will be so awkward."

"Don't worry Tom," he stood up and extended him hand for me to use, "You are with me."