Taboo (Merle Dixon x OFC)

Chapter 34

Daddy explained how the afterlife worked while we were traveling through the bright light. He said my soul was on a new journey. He told me what that journey was, but I can't talk about that because souls in the physical world aren't supposed to know about that journey until their bodies die. He explained to me that I could come back to the physical world any time I wanted when I wished to be with Merle, Mama, or anyone else. He showed me how to travel back and forth between the physical world and the place where all souls go when their bodies die, but that's another thing I can't really talk about. It's sort of against the rules.

I saw many people I loved while we were in the place where all souls go when they die. The dimension for all souls on the other end of the bright light is so beautiful that I can't come up with accurate words to describe it. That's just something every soul has to witness for themselves once their bodies pass on. I'm not really allowed to talk about it anyway. That's also against the rules.

Daddy explained he would travel to the physical world with me until I got used it, but once that happened, I would have to go to the place where all souls go when their bodies die to see him. Daddy went back to the physical world with me a few times until I understood how to get there myself. He left me with Merle when I understood how things worked. We went to the exact moment in physical time when Daddy had led me into the bright light. It was like no time in the physical world had passed at all.

Daddy warned me there were things in Merle's future I wouldn't like seeing. He said watching Merle deal with my death would be painful. He warned me Merle wasn't perfect. He reminded me Merle was a flawed physical being, and he said he would do things in his life that I wouldn't approve of. He confessed he was having a hard time with my Mama's alcoholism, and he knew I would have difficulty with it, too. He also said there would be good things to watch in their lives, things that would make my now nonexistent heart swell with emotion.

Merle was still on the floor next to my dead body when Daddy went back into the bright light. He was still talking to me and trying to communicate with my spirit. I didn't touch him after Daddy left. I watched him from a distance, just like Daddy had told me to do, but Merle knew I was there anyway. My presence comforted him slightly, but he had been severely traumatized. He sat there in shock in that spot on the floor next to my body for hours while I watched over him.

Merle said all kinds of things while he was in that spot on the floor. He didn't just talk to me. He screamed and cried for me and he spoke to Daddy, who was no longer there. He spoke to the dead mobster also and called him terrible names, names he deserved. Merle said he was a pussy for showing up when he wasn't there. He cursed God and asked Him why He hated him so much that He stole me away from him. He also told God he wouldn't beg Him to bring me back. He swore he would never beg Him for anything ever again. That told me Merle had had many conversations with God about me in the past. My soul was in torment watching Merle be in so much mental anguish. Watching him holler and sob until he couldn't cry anymore broke my nonexistent heart.

There was one particular thing Merle said that I definitely agreed with. He said that asshole would've never made it inside the cabin if he had been there. He said he would have never made it past old Merle, that his ears were always open and he was always listening, that he knew every crick and creak of the cabin just like I had. He said he would have known that asshole was there lurking. He also said he couldn't trust none of those fuckers except for Paulie.

Merle was not in a good state of mind. His sanity was slipping just like that mobster and his boss wanted, but he was fighting to hold onto what little sanity he had left. I could see his cheese slipping off of his cracker behind his steely blue eyes, but I could also see him fighting. He almost lost the fight for his sanity a couple times, but there was one time in particular when I had to get involved. I had to touch him one more time to pull him back up over his cliff of despair.