A Life Foretold

Chapter 4: But Is That Enough?

   2505 words.

Mom didn't allow me to go to the park with Gon. Her excuse being, 'Why a park? That sounds like a hidden plan for abduction or human trafficking.' I rolled my eyes, and what I didn't mention was, 'we're just used to being rich; we've grown accustomed to meeting friends at overpriced restaurants.' But I didn't say that, of course. Mom grew up poor. Even if she momentarily forgot, I'm sure she remembers some semblance of it.

"What?! How am I supposed to see you now?" Gon whined over the phone.

I deflated, cursing at myself for getting my hopes up. We aren't normal, and we'll never be normal. Just accept it, Killua.

"I have an idea!"

Of course.

I sighed, "What's your idea?"

"I work at the Museum of Natural Science-"

"Gon," I interrupted him, giddy excitement causing my voice to stupidly squeak, "you're working, a fifteen-year-old, let alone your first job, as a tour guide? That's amazing!"

"So, I finally impressed Killua Zoldyck!" He snickered, "You're not exactly an easy person to impress."

I stuck my tongue out even though I knew he couldn't see it. You're mistaken. Everything you do, even the way you think, never ceases to amaze me, though I kept those thoughts to myself.

"So, will you go on a date with me?"

My heart stopped for a moment, only to start beating rapidly the next. "Yeah," I whispered.

"Yeah," he whispered back.

And then we whispered our goodbyes. I'd never let anyone know it, and I was embarrassed myself for feeling this way—this dependent, but just calling Gon made the entire day brighter as though his eccentric aura seeped through the telephone lines and dispersed into my atmosphere. It's as if the warmth radiating from his body traveled and wrapped its arms around me in a loving embrace--as if Gon was the personification of everything right in the world. And I just knew I would be lost without him. Lost.

Meanwhile, everything was going well on the family's end of things. I even wondered why and began mentally preparing myself for when everything goes haywire. Mom doesn't know what happened the last time I visited the house, and she probably already knew. Dad pretended as though nothing happened, which was typical, so none of us cared.

Their separation was smooth. Mom moved into our house because she primarily took care of us, it made sense capacity wise, and Father found a small but expensive apartment.

It's as though our problems became minor, and it was as easy to brush off as a leaf barely clinging to scraps of clothing. This gave me room to concentrate on only three things that mattered most: Gon, school, and Alluka.

And while I wish I could say time flew until our specified 'date,' which no one knew about, it didn't. I almost enjoyed it more not having hope in seeing Gon because each passing minute was suffocating. Those few days, hours, and minutes that separated the present and Saturday was nothing but, in the way, an obstacle. I knew I would look back and curse at myself for not enjoying this luxury portion of my life.

To which I indeed regretted. But that's a story for later.

However, it wasn't time that was in the way; it was my feelings, my stupid, naive, childish, but motivating feelings. It was that to which I feared most. This borderline 'worship' of Gon would only serve as a disaster someday, a disaster for him, a disaster to my family, and a disaster to me. And as much as I wanted to throw everything I had at him, and as much as I didn't want to seem closed-off or uninterested, I approached each word and action with caution to avoid clinginess and my nature akin to codependence.