Can You Feel It?

New Experiences

"Open the fucking door asshole!" my head is pounding, my eyes hurt my mouth is dry and I want to kick whoever is banging on my door in the ass. More slamming and a high pitched yell...Carol. She's back from whatever bender she's been on, again, and now I'm gonna have to listen to her bitch and moan for half an hour about what a terrible boyfriend I am...which isn't untrue to be honest. I am actively trying to fuck another woman who's in a relationship with one of my clients. But it is more than that, no matter how much I want to pretend otherwise. I play so many roles and have done for years but the role of lover, friend...partner. Never. I've had women, plenty of women and I can have more without trouble. But I don't want that anymore, I want—I want what I should have had growing up. A real family, kids a house, a dog, and a wife. No matter how much we fight, fuck and make up Carol and I will never have that.

But maybe I could with Stevie, she's with Don and he's a moron. He hits her, fucks around, and treats her like shit. She's not that kind of woman, I can tell deep down she wants better but doesn't have the confidence to go for it. She's got a good voice, and if I can help her realize how talented she is...by then she'll know how much better of a man I am than Henley.

"Lindsey! You fucking asshole! Open the God damn door!" first things first though—

Pouring myself a vodka over ice I open my bedroom window to greet the day, rather midafternoon, sun. Sitting on the window sill I grab an unlit cigarette from my night stand and dump out half the tobacco and replacing it with my morning serving of herb "Where you been?" lighting my cig I inhale the smoke in my lungs letting the grass and nicotine buzz me and calm my headache "What does it matter? You didn't come looking for me?" nope, got tired of that game a long time ago.

"I don't have any clothes I'm willing to sacrifice by scrounging through sewers trying to find you" stepping back Carol drops her hand to her hip using the other to shield her eyes from the sun as she looks up from the front porch at me "Are you going to sit there and be an asshole all day or are you gonna let me in?" tough decision. She's probably gonna shower, take a few Quaaludes, and pass out for a couple of days to sleep off her coke binge. I really don't want her around that long. The maid, Loretta, already packed up her clothes and shipped them back to her family in Arizona. Honestly the only reason I'd let her back in would be one more fuck for the road—

I take another puff and look down at my long denied trouser treasure; it barely twitches at the idea. Besides, she's been gone long enough to have picked something up and that's not something I want to risk since I'm trying to become a normal, stable family man. Or whatever.

"You know I've been thinking, what kind of man would I be if I keep letting you run me down and fool around on me? I'm played out Carol, I'm sick of your shit and I'm sure you're sick of mine so let's just go our separate ways" her shoulders shudder as a mocking laugh escapes her throat, shaking her head she looks down at the gravel drive then up at me "This is my house Lindsey, I fucking live here..."

Reaching into my dresser I toss a thick envelope from the county Sheriff's office down to her "Notice of eviction sweetheart, you vacated the premises for ten consecutive days without notice of your current residence or a way for me to reach you. You voluntarily left baby, so I just had to sign a few papers and a judge gave me an eviction. And since you failed to answer the writ within five days you forfeited your right to repossess your property with a secured escort and I was given permission by the court to send your belongings back to your last known address—in Mesa Arizona"

A bird whistles in the trees nearby, the sound of my neighbor starting his lawn mower and his transistor radio quickly drowns it out "Long ago, and oh so far away—" I can't help but tap my finger on my folded thigh. I helped produce that album, Karen Carpenter has a beautiful voice. But her first and only love is her brother Richard, and he is a fucking prick.