Wonderful, beautiful, tragic

1

                                                       
                         It’s a beautiful night. I can see all the constellations whose names I don’t know. I don’t look at the sky to learn the names of the stars or their age or when they’re going to die or appear next. I know that the North Star is the brightest or something but I’ve never tried to locate it. I look at the stars to appreciate their beauty and to think.
I know lately I’ve gotten worse. I’m almost back to where I was four years ago like I did not go through literal hell fire to get here. The universe seems to have used up its appreciation for my efforts and has now decided to withdraw its help. I don’t know if I’ll be able to fight this time, I don’t think I’m strong enough.
Just as I try to go through my armory for the weapons I can choose to use this time round, I hear my phone vibrate on the ground where I threw it when I arrived. Wemi. I answer the call and put him on loudspeaker.
“Hey stargazer.”
“Hey yourself. How did you know what I was doing?”
“I didn’t. I just assumed because you’ve been spending most of your time these days outside or looking outside.”
I hadn’t realized that was happening. I’ve dropped my façade and I didn’t even notice. Nobody is supposed to know.
“You caught me. So what’s up?”
“I was just wondering if you’d be up to going out with my friends tomorrow night.”
I didn’t but lately I was trying to be more social. With the number of times I’ve been included in plans lately, I guess I’m faking it really well. Wemi knows my problem and he usually tries to warn me as soon as he finds out so that I can emotionally and psychologically prepare to mingle.
“Sure but I don’t think I’ll manage all night like your friends.”
“That’s alright. We’ll leave as soon as you say the word.” My beautiful knight.
“Okay. Text me the details.”
“I’ll pick you up.” To make sure you go, is the last part of that sentence. I don’t mind. He’s the only one worried about my friendless state anyway.
“Sure.” And he’s gone.
It’s not easy to find a good spot to watch the stars in this city. Mainly because there are no such places as public parks or stuff like that unless you’re counting the ones the “manual men” who include but are not limited to taxi conductors and the ones who carry stuff around rest from, the smog from the dust and the car exhaust too usually forms a thick cloudy blanket blocking out all but the brightest of stars and there’s also the chance you could be killed or robbed or raped or something. Also, I’m supposed to be too busy to even get time to do this but I usually find a quiet place not too far from where I stay and I’m not usually beyond trespassing if I can manage it.
I go back to thinking about my problems. I really cannot have anyone noticing that something is wrong. I must be able to fight it. I have much more to lose this time.