A Diamond in the Rough

Who Am I

Who am I ..do I appeal to your eye

What is it do you see in me

Can you see I am a little green

Have you seen my falls

Did you notice I have flaws

Am I that obvious

Or am I anonymous

Can you feel my breath when I breath

Have seen the times of me on my knees

Crying out

Did you hear me shout

Was your attraction

Attracted to my reaction of you

Even though I'm not perfect

I sometimes wonder if I am worth it

Looking for acceptance

But really all I need is to be in your presence

Dear God give me peace.

And give me eyes to see

That my life can be everything I want it to be

Long as I have you

So why am I so blue

..Who am I

July 16,

I lay in bed with my eyes to the ceiling I put my headphones on to drown out the outside noise.

Dear God,

It's me again I don't come to you like I should and I am sorry for that but first I come to you asking you for forgiveness for any and everything I have said that's not like you; I ask that you clean my heart purify me oh lord create in me a clean and renew with in me a right spirit wash me as white as snow. Lord my heart is heavy so I come to you to empty me I don't ever want to walk around hold grudges and angry because it can kill you and sir I don't want to be depressed because suicide follows so when my back is against the wall I look to you. I feel the anger and resentment of my situation and I refuse to be the victim I can't help but feel stretched. I love my mommy but she needs to heal from past mistakes I can't keep being her trash can she is looking for me to do something only you can do for her and while she is living her life still I can't keep putting mines on pause to please her. But even through everything she has been through thank you for still blessing her even if she can't see what I see you doing for her. Thank you for pushing her out there on her own; when the shop started in a small space she did not see the light because the tunnel was so dark for her but through me you help guide her to be now the most successful black woman in our city she has nothing to want for and that's all solely because of your kick I mean push . But God now that she is good what about me I want to live my life and not in the shadows I mean God I have a whole daddy that I didn't know existed!! And still I am being put in a stage to choose when I can't because my heart feels for both sides I was to know him better but I can't with out being seem that I am betraying the other party. God help me to understand why my life feels like I am at a standstill but I am sorry I am supposed to be grateful right? Happy that I wasn't raped, beat, sex traffic, or worse dead right? And I thank you for protecting me and my siblings but God I can't but feel like I am there for everyone else and no one is there for me. I implode while others explode on me I am a shoulder but who do I lay my shoulder on, who hugs me when I need one who sees me with the smile I force to hold back the tears when I want to just fall apart who is my breath when I can't breathe. Lord I am so sorry to come to you today with all of this I should be happy right I mean hey it is my 25th birthday.