Temptation

Chapter 6

I don't know what to do.

You knew what you wanted to do. That was as clear as crystal, as undeniable as the sky is blue on a sunny day. What you didn't know was what you should do. This feeling that you had for Jungkook, the same that you'd nursed since the day you'd met him wasn't just a passing fancy, that was for sure. It was never diminishing, only growing with time. Becoming more potent, especially when sex was brought into the mix. Only one day had passed, but already you were yearning for him. Longing for his touch all over your body. Yearning to be one with him again. Desperate to hear your name from his lips, just as you let him know how much you wanted him in return.

Yet it wasn't just that. You missed the way he looked at you. The warmth that enveloped you whenever he was near. You didn't have to be in his embrace, it wasn't just physical heat that kept you warm. It was the way he made you feel; it was indescribable. The best you could put it was like a trusty blanket, not just keeping away the cold from your body, but the chill in your heart, making you feel comfortable and safe. He made you feel validated, understood, but most of all, he made you happy. It wasn't simple reciprocation that made you want to make him feel the same way he made you feel.

Still, despite knowing that Jungkook was special to you, just as you were for him, wasn't enough to dissipate the doubts in your mind. It was actually because he mattered so much to you that you didn't want to make such an important decision so lightly. You couldn't simply follow your desires. This wasn't a fling; this was something more serious, something more lasting. Maybe for a long time. Maybe forever. And that scared you.

Tossing and turning around on your bed on a Sunday, wrapped in a blanket wasn't doing you much good. Not when you were missing Jungkook's constant, higher than normal body heat. Your body was throbbing from the aftermath of his rough, teasing torment, and your heart ached in yearning for him, but for both your sakes, you wanted to consider this properly. From what Namjoon had told you, accepting Jungkook wasn't as simple as taking a vow of marriage. That was saying something, because getting married was already something you'd consider one of the biggest life commitments you'd make. And this — this was even bigger than that. A relationship with Jungkook wasn't something that could just be ended with a divorce. Something, anything could happen. No one could predict the future, which was a problem for you, because it seemed like there would be no way out for you if you said yes to Jungkook. It wasn't an answer that you could easily retract, so you needed to make it carefully, only when you were sure that you wouldn't have any second thoughts.

Although you knew it was the right thing to do, it was difficult to think about being fair to either of you when you saw him at work the next day. He was trying his best not to pressure you into making a hurried decision. Perhaps he was trying too hard. All week long, he avoided you like the plague. Knowing that he was doing so for your sake didn't make you happy. Not when his hollow eyes darkened to a murky brown when they shifted towards you. Not when his smile was so strained that your co-workers were starting to wonder if he was not feeling well. He was hurting you. No, you were hurting yourself by hurting him. Yet you still remained anxious and afraid of the possible future still unknown to you.

The weekend rolled around at a snail's pace, but when you thought about the commitment you had to think of making, it seemed like time had passed in a flash. You had the Saturday off, but so far all you'd done was stare blankly off into space, huddled up alone on the sofa, willing the tears not to fall as Jungkook filled up every corner of your mind. Thinking of the comfort of his embrace made you wrap your arms around yourself. It only made you miss him more though.

Suddenly the sound of the doorbell, jarring in contrast to the chaotic silence that you were wallowing in invaded your small apartment. You rarely had visitors unless you invited them over. Immediately the face of the person you most wanted to see was brought to the forefront of your mind. It stirred both excitement and panic as you rushed to the front door, trying your best to straighten your pajamas and tame your messy hair. Pressing your face to the door, you looked through the peephole to see a woman you didn't recognise. At first you were confused, but then you could make out a taller man you'd met once before behind her. The sight of him didn't exactly lift your spirits, but it was enough to make you open the door and greet them.