When They See

Chapter 4

Becca's house is the same as always. Warm and inviting. I walk through the door, not like a ghost. It was open. If only I had cool powers..... Never mind that.

I walk up into her room. She's standing in front of her desk, looking at a collage I made for her of the three of us. She just stares at it. I can see tears forming in her eyes. She sits on the ground and pulls her knees to her chest and wraps her thin arms around them. She starts rocking back and forth. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry." She says that over and over, in time with her rocks.

She honestly didn't really do anything. I don't know why she's sorry. "I'm- I'm the one who spread that rumor."

Rumor? I think hard for a while. The only rumor that I can think of..... Oh my god.

I can't believe she's the one who would do something like that. It was one of the worst times in my life. I really felt like I should have died then. I look down at her in pity, then I turn around and walk briskly away. While I walk to one of my bully's houses, I think of the disgusting rumor.

Becca had told everyone, I guess, that I went on a date with a sleazy guy and went all the way. It really hurt. Still hurts if I'm being honest.

I go up the steps of my worst bully. She was evil. And cliché. Blonde, petite, cheerleader, loads of makeup. Oh and get this, her name is Brittany. It's like I lived in a messed up Disney show.

Then I walk into her room. For the record, the only reason I know where her room is because she used to be my friend. Long story for another time.

She sits on her bed with a look of... I can't really tell actually. Sadness but also... regret? I walk closer to her and see she's looking at an old picture of her and me. We were 10 and looked really happy. It's hard to remember a time when I was happy actually.

She flips it over and on the back in 10 year old scrawl it says "I love you Brit! We'll never be not friends!" Wow. How cheesy and false that statement is.

She sets the picture next to her and takes a shaky breath. "It's fine. She's fine. She's still here. Wearing her lesbian clothes. She's alive." She always said I was a lesbian. Now there's nothing wrong with that, my aunts are and they are the coolest. But hearing her say that over and over since 7th grade really got to me. She made me question everything. I hate her.

"C'mon Jess. I know you're alive. I just know it. You can't be gone. I love you." Whoa. What. Hang on. What? I sidestep so I'm in front of her. She grabs an old 8th grade yearbook and flips to the back where there are pictures of kids playing at recess. It's me hanging on the blue bars by my knees. I made a funny face, but it was a cute picture. There's a heart around it and lipstick lips next to it. In pink sharpie written by it says "MY L♡VE"

So... She had a crush on me this whole time. Whoa. Have everyone believe you hate me instead of owning up to who you truly are. I do understand doing that actually. It's hard to think of yourself as different. But your sexuality is who you are. No need to be ashamed of it.

I smile at her. And turn around to walk back home. As I walk up the porch, I hear a man's voice. I think that's... Oh my god. My stomach drops and I suddenly feel like throwing up. It's Uncle Tom. He's the reason I had started self harming and why I spiraled into depression. I walk through the open door.

My mom hugs him and I feel repulsed. He hugs her back and whispers, "Everything will be okay, Karen. You'll get through this."

She sobs into his sweater vest. I go up to my room and sit on my bed. About 15 minutes later I hear footsteps coming toward my room. I stiffen. Those are heavy and clompy. It's Uncle Tom. I move to the corner of my room that's farthest from the door; right by my dresser.

He walks in. Looks behind him. And closes the door. Then he walks my way. I hold my breath. He opens all the drawers and searches through them frantically. Then he opens the top right one. He smiles and picks up something black. It's my... my underwear. He puts it to his nose and inhales deeply. I am so disgusted that I want to kill him. I want him to die a slow, painful death.

He puts that one and two others in his jacket pocket. Then closes the door and walks casually downstairs. I follow him. He sits down at the dining room chair and takes his jacket off. "Kay, honey, could I have some coffee?" She nods her head and starts making it.

He leans forward and grabs the paper. As he does so, I focus on pulling some of the underwear out of the pocket so my mom can see and connect the dots. I get so- wait. Why am I trying to be sneaky?! No one can see me! I'm so lame oh man.

I get up from my hiding spot and grab at the black pair. I drop it to the ground and pull another and let it hang from the pocket. My mom turns with the coffee but drops it as soon as she sees the underwear. Hot coffee splashes everywhere, white ceramic cup shrapnel shoots every which way.

"Why are my daughter's panties on the floor Tom?"

"I- uh..."

"Tom answer right now."

"Karen... I-"

"Get. Out. Of my house. Now. I don't want you here for any of this. You sick creep. Don't be surprised if I press charges!! You disgusting slimeball!"

"Let me exp-"

"I can easily put the pieces together! 4 years ago, right after you had visited, Jessica fell into a deep depression. She wouldn't talk to anyone. And I know why!" Wow. I didn't think she noticed. And I can see her about to crack. I walk to the door and wait for him to walk through it; with my mom threatening him with a broom. I slam the door and cheer.

He's gone. I can now breathe easily that my family is safe.

My mom slumps to a chair at the table. Her hands go to her face again. She's so sad. I can't look at her when she's like this. I start towards the stairs when I see Josh sitting on them. He heard everything. Oh no.

He turns and runs back to his room. I follow him and take a step back when he slams the door in my face. I turn and slowly slide to the ground.

Oh Joshy.

What have I done?

Yas boo!!! 1200 words!! Sorry yet again for not updating. Shtuff has been happening. Good night/morning/ afternoon babes. 💙

~EIM