UNWANTED GIRLS

Chapter 13

After eating breakfast with Mark a while ago, he's still not saying anything to me. He just stayed in the living room sitting on the couch while watching something on tv. Nang hindi na ako nakatiis, nilapitan ko na sya at tinabihan.

"Is there something wrong? You're unusually quiet since I arrived this morning." I asked while looking at his face. This man is really precious to me. I cannot believe that we're still together through these years. For the past nine years, he's with me through my bad and sad times, he always give me space whenever I need one, at kapag masaya ako, pinapasaya nya ako lalo. This man has been really patient with me. Kaya I really wanna punish myself for having sex with another man yesterday. It's so shameless of me to ask what's wrong with him, right?

But my parents are more precious to me.

Yumuko sya at napunta ang tingin sa mga kamay na nakapatong sa hita nya. He looks at my face like he has something to say but he chose to stay silent. He just stare at me for a long time with a sad smile on his face. I'm not really used to him being like this. 

We stayed silent for a few minutes. Maya maya, bigla na lang sya nagsalita habang nakatingin sa kamay nya na nakapatong sa kanyang hita.

"What happened between you and Kim Seokjin at his unit?" He asked then looked at me. That caught me off guard but I recovered quickly and smile at him.

"Why?" I asked back while smiling. "And how did you know we went there?" Dagdag ko pa.

"I actually put a tracking device in your car," He said without hesitation. Nanlaki naman ang mata ko sa gulat.

"What?!" Napatayo ako sa sinabi nya. Really! This man! 

"It's been a while since I put it! Look, I know this is really important to you but-" Pagpapaliwanag nya but I cut him off.

"Who do you think you are to do that?!" Sigaw ko sakanya. I saw how shocked he was because of what I just said. "And yes! This is really important to me so, please! Stop messing things! Stop making me feel guilty because I'm not doing this for myself!" Sigaw ko pa. Napaupo ako sa couch at napahilamos ang kamay sa muka. I feel like crying. Ewan ko ba, ever since I realized a lot of things about my family, pakiramdam ko ang pasan-pasan ko yung mundo. Ang bigat bigat sa pakiramdam. Para akong nakakulong sa madilim na kwarto tapos hindi ko alam yung daan palabas. Gusto kong sumigaw, pero walang boses na lumalabas. Gusto kong gumalaw at manakit, pero wala akong lakas. Ganon yung pakiramdam.

We stayed silent for a while. Then, he talked calmly.

"I'm gonna leave for today, alright? Please, calm down. I'm sorry. I'll text you later, okay?" Mahinahon nyang sabi sakin. Hindi naman ako sumagot kaya tumuloy na sya sa pintuan at dahan dahang isinara ang pinto habang nakatingin sakin. Nang nasara na nya ang pinto, naupo ako sa sahig at niyakap ang tuhod ko. Then, I burst into tears. I just can't help it. Pakiramdam ko, my life is so fucked up. Since I was a kid, all I wanted to do is to grow old with my family and live a happy life pero bakit naman ganito? Parang kasalanan na hilingin yon. And right now, everything is messed up. My relationship, my plan, my life. Everything! 

I kept on crying all by myself when the door suddenly opened. I immediately stand up and wipe my tears. "Hey, I forgot my-" Adaille na muntikan pang mapatid sa table malapit sa pinto dahil sa gulat sa nadatnan nilang itsura ko. "wallet." Tuloy nya pa sa naudlot na sasabihin. Tumuloy silang tatlo papasok at naupo sa couch. Nanatili naman akong nakatayo sa harap nila. Nang naka recover, pinagtaasan ko na silang tatlo ng kilay.

"At bakit nandito pa kayo? Akala ko Adaille nakalimutan mo lang wallet mo?" Tanong ko.

"Ay bawal mag stay? Bat ka muna umiiyak?" Adaille fired back. Ay wow, bahay nyo? I smiled. I suddenly felt better because of my friends. I suddenly felt like I'm not alone. I realized that I'm not just the one whose sad. Na hindi lang ako ang nawalan. Biglang lumuwag yung pakiramdam ko.

"Hindi ako umiiyak. Naluha lang kasi maalikabok na dito. Tagal na di nagpupunta ni manang." Sabi ko sabay iwas ng tingin.

"Wow ganda ng excuse ha," Angela replied. The world is not just against me, it's against us. I'm not alone, I have them.

"Papalusot kapa ha. Eluh kang gaga ka. Mag bihis ka kadiri suot mo at mag cclub tayo. Inom lang katapat nyan," Tawa ni Katrina. It's alright to have few friends. As long as each of them is happy to have you and there through your good and bad times, everything's good. And they'll treasure you like a real gem.

"Wag mo akong utusan," Pinagtaasan ko sila ng kilay at tumalikod sabay ngiti. Dumiretso na sa kwarto ko para mag shower.

To be Continued....