Journal-VIII (Disappointment)

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(Now her days are filled with joy...always smiling and laughing)

Del- "How does it look, ma? do I look good in it?"

Mama- "Of course, you look pretty, who would have expected that mama would have a daughter and dress like twins with her"

(Even through it's not with me...)

Good- "I got a bad score on this subject yesterday... mama looked so disappointed, I have to study more and get a better result" he told to himself.

(I spent my day improving things that I lacked... to not disappoint her... because back then there was nothing that scared me more than her disappointed faces... I wanted her to love me, I have to be a better child... I wanted her to looking at me like how she looked at my big brother and sister... Everyday my mind was full of worry, that if I did something that would disappoint ger, she would leave me... Every day was full of pressure... "UNTIL I MET HIM" )

Good- "Mama's gonna be disappointed at me again... sob....sob...sob..I'm trying but-"

Him- "..... with this grade, grandma would treat me to a family restaurant... shrug.."

(He was my neighbor)

Him- "But of course, saying that won't comfort you"

Good- "sob...sob...sob... what should I do, onii-chan.. I disappointed mama again, she gonna hate me...sob...sob...sob"

Him- "Stop crying, you tried Good you did a good job! I'm so proud of you. working so hard with this tiny body of yours...you really love your mama. you're a nice child.

(Always..)

Him- "You should be proud of yourself for trying"

Good- "UHN! Good has been working so hard...

(He always knew how to comfort me)

Him- "Yes, any parent would  proud and happy to have a son like you... don't push yourself too hard... I will help you study! I will study so I can be smart enough to teach you!

Good- "Really onii-chan?? thank you,onii-chan!!"

(In the darkness inside my heart, he was the first one who that I was bright enough, he made me feel good about myself, he taught me how to appreciate myself... having him by my side was the best gift that I ever had...)


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