𝘼 𝙆𝙄𝙎𝙎 𝙁𝙊𝙍 𝙀𝘼𝘾𝙃 𝘼𝙉𝘿 𝙀𝙑𝙀𝙍𝙔 𝙂𝙊𝙊𝘿𝘽𝙔𝙀 : nyukyu.

𝙁𝙊𝙐𝙍.

not everything works out. changmin had to learn this the hard way with each time he tried to come up with something to convince the other into not doing something that would get him killed. his hopes were crushed each time. with such a harsh universe that could twist anything, how could they not?

maybe he should just stop trying. he had already thought that far too many times, and that had happened sooner than he wanted for it to as well. no matter how many times the thought of that came up, changmin wouldnt give up on chanhee, that is if the brutal world didnt find a way to change how he wished as well.

chanhee was shining too bright. whether it be his bright pink hair or his beautiful smile and laugh, chanhee was shining too bright who would die barely even a few moments later. it wasnt that he was complaining, no, changmin would never complain whenever the other would smile like that, but he just couldnt help but be a pessimist. no, not when he knew that he would look awful with blood matting his hair and covering his hands soon.

this seemed like a nightmare that changmin had to live over and over again. what were they called again? a repeating dream? yeah, something like that. it felt exactly like that, but something small changed each time and you get no breaks. and you couldnt just wake up, either, not when it was real life that you would try and peel your eyes open from.

changmin wanted to tell him, tell him what the marks on his arms were for, what his teary eyes and heavy breath and fidgeting hands were for, but he couldnt. he didnt want to seem like a psychopath, like someone that couldnt be trusted. that would hurt him more than he was already hurt before.

what was wrong with him? ji changmin couldnt bring himself to use his legs and walk out the door. he seemed to think this question everyday. what was it about choi chanhee that made him feel like he would suffocate without him, what made him seem like the oxygen his lungs would burn and wilt without, what made him seem like the shelter he would go hungry and die without?

it was the same reason every time, too. because choi chanhee is the person he fell in love with, and now he cant get out of the hole he had already dug. he had come too  far to go back, he cant just break his own heart like that.

ji changmin felt like he would have to go with chanhee if he ever wanted to be happy with him ever again.