𝘼 𝙆𝙄𝙎𝙎 𝙁𝙊𝙍 𝙀𝘼𝘾𝙃 𝘼𝙉𝘿 𝙀𝙑𝙀𝙍𝙔 𝙂𝙊𝙊𝘿𝘽𝙔𝙀 : nyukyu.

𝙀𝙄𝙂𝙃𝙏.

ji changmin was sick of this. he was sick of clinging on to only words that someone he didnt even know well had said, he was sick of thinking that that was his only hope. ji changmin was sick of not knowing anything.

he didnt know why his head felt so fuzzy, why his eyesight would now start going blurry without tears. he didnt know why it felt like he was slowly dying too. maybe he was, and then chanhee and him would live happily in whatever afterlife there was.

what could he change? what could he change in what repeated every day to make this end? his mind was racing, trying to make him remember all that he could change. there were the conversations in the morning, but why would that have anything to do with chanhee dying?

changmin felt like crying. actually, what did he mean felt like? he did that every damn day anyway, so why did he feel like he was about to cry?

he was thinking off track, suddenly thinking of all of the ways chanhee would die. chanhee would say that he hated seeing blood, even more than he hated tomatoes, and every way he died involved exactly that. err, minus the tomatoes. how the fuck would someone die because of a tomato? whatever, that didnt matter anyway.

chanhee should be alive right now. he shouldnt be dead in changmins arms, he shouldnt be giving off the smell of death with his body cold and pale. yet here he was, his eyes thankfully shut as he had given up himself to keep them open.

changmin was thankful for that, because as beautiful as his deep brown eyes were, they would look better with any sort of emotion than blank and cloudy with the glaze of death overcasting them.

his skin, too. the younger had thought that his skin was pale already, but when he no longer had blood pumping through his veins, it was paler than before. his porcelain-like skin was still porcelain, yet not quite in the beautiful way it used to be.

dont get him wrong, changmin still thought that chanhee was stunning, but he would look much better without blood-matted hair and with a bright smile on his lips as he laughed at whatever stupid thing changmin had done that time.

it felt nostalgic, thinking of all the things that just happened the days before this nightmare started, such as the videos that were filmed on the beach from jacob's old camera that they used simply for the aesthetics of it, or the cupcakes that barely managed to be cupcakes they had made together, which they had given to sunwoo only to see his face twist in disgust.

why couldnt everything go back to normal? what could he do?