𝘼 𝙆𝙄𝙎𝙎 𝙁𝙊𝙍 𝙀𝘼𝘾𝙃 𝘼𝙉𝘿 𝙀𝙑𝙀𝙍𝙔 𝙂𝙊𝙊𝘿𝘽𝙔𝙀 : nyukyu.

𝙎𝙄𝙓.

fuck magic. fuck magic, changmin didnt believe that shit anymore. not anymore, because at least ten more marks littered his arms and now his legs. minji was a nice person, no doubt, but she was just wrong. not wrong in the way that she was twisted, much like the universe and fate of him and chanhee is, but she wasnt right when she said that he could get this right.

because he couldnt. ji changmin found it damn near impossible to save chanhee. he couldnt stop the bleeding, whether it be from chanhee's wounds or his own tears from his eyes. nothing could stop the bleeding, whether it be from chanhee's dying body or changmin's dying heart. he wasnt exaggerating anymore when he said he couldnt live without that boy.

even though he appeared next to him at the bedside when he woke up in the morning, chanhee was still dead. maybe it was just changmin's tear-blurred vision, but the older seemed to start looking more and more sickly each day.

one of the times, he woke up to the sound of chanhee coughing. he thought nothing of it, thinking that maybe it just happened earlier that day and all he would have to do is find chanhee in his last moments, but the blood in the sink was a surprise.

maybe changmin was going insane and he was just hallucinating the blood in the sink, but while knowing the fact that each time he died it included blood, he was convinced that that was not the case.

maybe that would be better, though. maybe it was better if changmin was going insane, because then there was a chance that all of this was just a psycho dream, and in reality, chanhee was right next to him in bed, worrying about how he wouldnt wake up. maybe changmin would wake up soon.

but that must be a childish dream, much like chanhee's wish for immortality and much like changmin's wish to grow old with him. but that must be a childish dream, because itll never come true.

changmin laughed at himself, quite a bitter laugh, as he stared at himself in the mirror. he looked quite sickly himself, his cheekbones more prominent and his skin more pale, his smile less bright and his waist more thin. maybe he was so sick that he started seeing chanhee to be like that too.

all these maybes were making his head hurt, all trying to take a spotlight in the center of his mind when there were so many. why couldnt all of them be answered? why couldnt changmin know the truth? did he have to work for it?

but he had already worked enough. you would think that with all of these attempts he should know something, right? why couldnt that happen? why did he have to think for himself? that was never something he was good at, was this the universe trying to break him even more?

despite waving minji and her predictions off earlier, a small part of changmin still had hope that she was right. at this point, he had exhausted all of his motivation. her words were all he had left to grasp on to— and he was holding on for dear life.