I Am (not) Breathing

ONE : ONE

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, business, events and incidents are the products of the author's imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

WARNING: THIS STORY MAY TRIGGER SOME OF THE READERS SO PLEASE READ AT YOUR OWN RISK. Mind that I'm NOT FORCING you to read this.

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Time check, it's already 4:28 in the morning. I can't sleep. That is the only reason I can tell you why I am still awake. There is actually another reason but, I can't tell you what is it right now. Maybe soon?

By the way, I'm Llewyn Marshall. I'm 19, and I'm all alone, just by myself in this fucking four cornered room of mine. But anyways, let's just get straight to the point.

I am writing this for I have a short story that I want to share to all of you. This is not about me. But about my girlfriend named Sienna Taylor and her DEPRESSION.

We were in grade 11 when we started our relationship. Everything was so perfect, I can say. Everything was going smoothly and of course, our relationship was perfectly balanced. Give and take, just how it should be. Unfortunately, fate is so cruel.

Noong magsisimula na kaming mag-prepare para sa bagong taon ng pasukan, biglaan siyang sinabihan ng mom niya na kailangan niyang mag-transfer sa ibang school. The reason? Hindi ko alam. Sienna doesn't want to tell me anything, so as a respect, hindi ko na lang siya pinilit na sabihin sa'kin ang dahilan kung bakit.

Two months before the start of the school year, she alongside her mom, took their leave. But before that, Sienna of course, bid her farewells to us; her friends, her schoolmates, and lastly, her teachers.

Since she left our town, we started the new normal for our relationship. We were in a long distance relationship, she who was in their province whilst I'm here living in Manila. We even pinky promised that we will always update each other to avoid confusion and misunderstandings. Sadly, Sienna didn't fulfill her promise...

To tell you honestly, you wouldn't even notice any slight of sadness nor pain when you look at Sienna. She was so bright and has a positive attitude that made people drew easily closer to her. But because of that, no one ever knew when she was hurt. Even I, who was her boyfriend, didn't know anything about her real feelings and situations. And yes, I knew... I failed as her partner.

Fast forward...

Unang araw iyon ng kan'yang pasukan, she told me that she was so excited and also a bit nervous to attend her new school with her new classmates. She was afraid that she might be bullied or something like that. So I said, "No, hon. You'll do great. I know you can. And I know that they will like you for you have a great personality." By that, she was cheered up. Nag-send pa nga siya sa'kin ng picture ng sarili niya habang suot ang bago niyang school uniform. She was freaking gorgeous that it's making me insane! Geez.

Everything went fine. Or so I thought?

Tatlong buwan na ang nakararaan mula ng magsimula ang klase nang tinawagan ako ng mom ni Sienna. It was so sudden that it made me nervous 'cause I knew, she'll never call me if nothing wrong had happened with her lovely daughter. And I was right. She told me that Sienna was currently in the ICU. Fifty-fifty. My hands were trembling with so much fear that I might loose her 'cause I knew that I can't. She was my everything for Pete's sake!

Without any second thought, I hurriedly ran towards my car, not minding the students who were blocking my fucking way. As I had entered my car, I drove as fast as I can. I knew it was wrong but that time, my safety wasn't my priority. My mind was full of random thoughts such as 'what ifs' and 'self blaming'. Knowing that my girl is under a fifty-fifty condition.