SHUTTERED HEART

CHAPTER 11

I decided to chat her. Hindi ako mapakali na hindi kami okay. Sa tingin ko maiintindihan naman niya yung nararamdaman ko.

"Hey, Thalia. I wanted to talk to you about what happened earlier. Can we meet up and talk?

As I hit the send button, I felt a mix of hope and anxiety. Would Thalia be willing to forgive me? Would she understand the depth of my remorse? I anxiously waited for her response, my heart pounding in my chest.

Minutes turned into what felt like hours, until finally, a message notification appeared on my phone. It was from Thalia. My hands trembled slightly as I opened the message, fearing the worst but desperately hoping for forgiveness.

"Of course, Elijah. Is everything okay?"

Pinaalam ko sa kan'ya yung location kung saan sa coffee shop kami magkikita malapit lang din sa kanila.

Kinakabahan ako na parang nanginginig pero there's a thinking na 'she will understand my side'

Na-una ako sa kaniya doon at kalaunan dumating din siya. I already ordered a two cup ko coffee for us.

Umupo ito sa harapan ko. "Anong pag-uusapan natin?" ramdam ko ang malamig niyang pagkakasabi.

"Sorry kasi mali yung hinala ko. Hindi ko man lang pinakinggan yung side mo and I admitted na naging unfair ako sa part mo." I said.

Bumuntong hininga ito bago nagsalita. "I understand why you might feel that way, Elijah. But the guy you saw is actually my best friend, Chanchan. We've known each other for years, way before we even met. Our friendship is purely platonic, I promise." paliwanag nito. Lalo akong na guilty sa sinabi niya.

Inaamin ko naman na mali ako, and maybe my feelings are valid naman in the first place hindi ko kilala yung guy na iyon and una ko pa iyong nakita kaya ano iisipin ko.

"I'm sorry for doubting you, Thalia. It's just that I've never seen you interact with someone like that before, and it made me feel insecure." I said.

Ang kalma ng naging usapan namin. Akala ko magagalit siya sa akin o maiinis man lang kasi hindi ko pinakinggan yung side niya.

" I know it can be difficult to see me with someone else, especially when our relationship has always been so close. But please trust me, Elijah. Chanchan is an important part of my life, and our friendship doesn't diminish what we have." paliwanag nito. Naiintindihan ko naman yung sinabi niya.

"I guess I never realized how much Chanchan meant to you. I'm sorry for not being more understanding. Can you tell me more about your friendship with him?" I said.

Kumuha siya ng kaperasong tinapay sa lamisa at uminom ng kape bago nagsalita. "James is not just my best friend, but he's also a close friend to all of our circle. We have a strong bond, and he's always been there for me. He's like a brother to me, Elijah." paliwanag nito.

Mas naintindihan ko ang mga sitwasyon nang marinig ko iyon. Gusto ko na lang tumiklop sa hiya.

"Thank you for explaining, Thalia. I'm sorry for jumping to conclusions without giving you a chance to explain. Naiintindihan ko lahat and i felt sorry for Chanchan."

"It's okay, Eli. We all have our moments of insecurity. The important thing is that we talk about it and find a way to move forward. I appreciate your honesty in confronting your feelings."

"I want to make it right, Thalia. I never want this jealousy to come between us again." I said.

Ngumiti lamang ito. "Eli, can i asked a question,"

Tiningnan ko lamang siya sa mata. "Of course."

Nagdadalawang isip pa ito kung sasabihin niya. Matagal ako naghintay sa tanong niya hanggang... "Eli, confused ako sa lahat ng action mo. Are you courting me?" usisa nito.

Nagulat ako sa tanong niya pero sa tingin ko ito na yung tamang panahon para malaman niya.

"Yes, Thalia, I'm sorry for not informing you or asking for your consent to court you. I believed that actions speak louder than words, and I wanted to show you through my actions how much you mean to me. So, yes, I have been courting you." nahihiya pa akong sabihin pero nilakasan ko ang loob ko.

Nagulat siya sa sagot ko.

Hindi ko alam kung ano maging maramdaman niya sa sagot ko basta bahala na.

"I...I didn't realize that's what you were doing. I thought we were just spending time together as friends." sabi nito na parang nauutal pa.

I am type of person na more on action than words.

"I understand why you would feel that way, Thalia. I should have been clearer about my intentions from the beginning. I wanted to take the time to get to know you better and show you how much you mean to me." paliwanag ko sa kaniya. Abot tenga ang ngiti nito sa marinig.

Hindi ko pansin na nan'lalamig na pala yung kape sa lamesa. Naaliw ako katitingin sa kaniya.

"It's a lot to take in, Elijah. I appreciate your honesty, but it would have been nice to have a conversation about this beforehand."

" I should have communicated my intentions with you earlier. I apologize for not doing so. If you're not comfortable with it, I completely understand."

Nararamdaman ko ang naging kiliti sa katawan ko sa pinag-uusapan namin. Finally, kinakaya ko na sabihin sa kaniya yung mga ganitong words.

"I need some time to think about this, Elijah. It's a big decision, and I want to make sure I'm making the right choice for both of us. Lalo't na nag-aaral pa tayo. If want to wait after 3 years." paliwanag nito.

Hindi na ako nakaramdam ng pagkagulat sa '3 years' na sinabi niya dahil handa naman akong mag-antay kahit gaano pa katagal.

For now i am contented kung ano meron kami ngayon. Contented for the situationship but there's twist.

"Take all the time you need, Thalia. I respect your decision, and I want you to be sure about what you want. Just know that my feelings for you are genuine, and I'm willing to work on our relationship, whether it's as friends or something more. I won't rushing you. I will wait you no matter what happened." mahaba kong paliwanag sa kaniya.

Ngumiti siya sa narinig.