Tell the neighbors I said bye

Chapter 3- Xander- Present

Sitting at home without her isn't the same. I miss everything about her. All I can think about is how much I want to die. She was the only thing that I had in this world that was worth living for. She was the ying to my yang. We were bound together. I don't understand, why did this happen to me? What did I do to deserve this? The pain is unbearable. I find myself walking over to the liquor cabinet. Mom and Dad always kept it stocked with liquor. That was before they died. But it should still have something in it.

I found some vodka and a shot glass. I drank and drank until I was sure that I would forget about the pain. I didn't feel happy, but I also didn't feel sad. I was just so numb. I forgot about my troubles, I also forgot that I have a physics test tomorrow. Well, whatever.
I don't know how long it's been. I can't remember anything. All I can remember is why I got drunk to begin with. I looked over at the clock, it's five thirty nine, presumably at night. I get up off the couch, I'm dizzy as all hell, but I stumble over to the phone to check for any messages. Only one message that I cared about. The results came back for Avery's autopsy, that was enough to sober me up.

I called and they told me that she had a whole lot of crap in her system. Morphine, alcohol, and a whole bunch of other pain killers. Apparently it wasn't the cutting that killed her. She lost a lot of blood, but it wasn't enough to kill her. What killed her was her over dosages. She took enough pills to kill a horse.

It hurt me. I knew after they told me, she didn't die by accident she purposely killed herself.

But why? That's my question.

I decided to do the unthinkable. I was about to invade her privacy. I slowing walked up the stairs, as if to try not to wake her spirit. I hesitantly opened her door, I walked in. I immediately felt wrong. But I pushed through. She had letters spread out on her desk, each and everyone with a name on it. There were maybe two dozen letters. I picked them up. I looked at each one until I found one addressed to me. I carefully opened it, and read it aloud.

Dearest Xander,
I'm sorry that I've done this to you. But I want you to know the truth. It's a very bad and cruel story. But I'd rather focus on the positives of this bad bad situation that we find ourselves in. I was once so happy. But that's all gone. Well if I'm dead, then I'm happy.....

I couldn't read on. It hurt me too much to read this and know the truth. But I had to. But I can't. I won't. I'm not Avery. I'm not strong like her.