A Very Serious Story About Love

Hell is Hungry & Horny

Damn I already have to do another one of these?? Shit it's almost like I'm important to the story and the Main Character™️..weird. Wait what even is this??
'Just read the thing'
I-??ok??? So umm, hi I'm Zoomzoom you can call me Zoom though you know like that one app everyone's using in 2020 even though this story's set in a parallel universe where life doesn't suck for us. Yeah that. So let's see school's great my boyfriend's great..kinda...he gets jealous easily so that's a thing-
'Dry ass bitch'
Fuck you voice in my head that sounds oddly familiar. Yeah so life's good and-
[pornhub theme plays]
[two girls walk in ones wearing cat ears and the other is doing the ahegao face]
{Haley}
"Hey so you're bitch boy right?"

{Zoom}
"I-I'm Zoo-"

{Aimee}
"Yeah we don't care UwU"

{Haley}
"Tie him up"

{Aimee}
"Kinky ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)"

{Zoom}
"Wha-"

[the two practically steal the main characters love interest and then Kass's spidey senses tingle]
[camera pans to two bitches sitting on a bench]
{Kass}
"There's something wrong"

{Cedar}
"Yeah the lunch lady fuckin ripped me off-"

{Kass}
"No you absolute tree theres something wrong with senpapi"

{Cedar}
"Now that you mention it I did feel a portal open"

{Kass}
"A portal?? Shit that means-"

[obligatory serious music plays as the main character™️ realizes what's wrong]
[scene changes to a bright blue volcano lookin place idk dude I'm not good at description]
[we end up finding out this is hell yep that one place in the bible...hell would be blue-]

{Kass}
"Shit come on don't let them hear you"

[camera pans to 3 large dogs sitting at hell's gate]

{Cedar}
"So what's the plan chief"

{Kass}
"Go in get Zoomzoom beat the fuck outta them leave and tell him it was a dream"

{Cedar}
"I think that stuff only happens in movies-"

{Kass}
"Oh I'm sorry Mr genius-man..-person.....-thing do you have a better idea??"

{Cedar}
"Yeah go in take your senpapi leave and pretend we did nothing-"

{Kass}
"What why??"

{Cedar}
"Because the Circus of Horny Bitches would probably like it if we beat them"

{Kass}
"Yeah good point"

{Cedar}
"Also I don't think either of us have the strength to actually beat someone, actually you probably do I sure as hell don't"

{Kass}
"I could beat them I just don't want them to enjoy it-"

[big amazing montage of Kass and Cedar walking through hell to Aimee and Haley's Dildo Palace takes place]
[really, you guys should've seen it it was amazing]
[camera zooms into the Dildo Palace and into it showing Zoom tied up in a room full of objects that should never go in anyone's orifices]
Well this is bad-
Ok so I'm kidnapped I guess and I'm in a house with a lot of umm- objects- in it and there's two girls from school somewhere in this house. Wow Matt really isn't gonna be happy when he finds out.
[pornhub theme plays]
Where's that music even coming from????
[muffled]
{Aimee}
"Ok so they're on their way right?"

{Haley}
"Yeah it's all set and ready"

{Aimee}
"Nice.."

Shit what??whats ready? Who's coming? *snort* coming-
[window is absolutely shattered]
{Kass}
"That probably had lube on it-"