The Outbreak

Chapter 10:Alone With My Thoughts

Leslie says as she sets the guitar down, leaning it against the edge of her bed. Becca enters the room as she begins to walk closer to Leslie. “You’re getting pretty good at that you know”, she mentions, sitting down next to her friend. “Thanks. You’re a great teacher, you know”, Leslie says in reply. “Nah, I’m alright. Honestly, you’re picking it up really well so far”. Becca looks in Leslie’s direction, but she doesn’t respond. She doesn’t mention the silence between them, but instead studies Leslie’s face. The longer she stares, the more she notices. She sees the pain in her eyes, the bags under them, the dark thoughts going through her head. She can feel her pain. She wishes she could do something to help, to cheer her up, but she doesn’t know anything that could possibly ease the pain of losing someone. Her eyes slowly drift towards the floor. Leslie turns to face Becca, who seems to be lost in thought. “You okay?”. Becca whips her head around to face Leslie. They sit in silence for a moment, not knowing what to say to one another. Becca parts her lips slightly, as if she’s about to speak, but no words come out. There’s so much she wants to say and yet, she can’t think of where to start. Leslie notices the large amount of silence, and begins to feel a bit awkward. “Hello?”. The two girls hear a familiar voice coming from the doorway. They turn in the person’s direction, to see Alex, who has his arm leaned up against the doorframe. “Can I come in?”, he says, gesturing towards them using his hands. Just as Leslie begins to open her mouth, she is interrupted by Becca. “I was just leaving”, she says, standing up as she makes her way out of the room. Alex and Leslie watch in confusion as Becca squeezes past Alex who is still posted in the doorway. Despite being cautious of her relationships and getting close to people, Leslie can’t help but still care. She has a big heart under all that dirt and the strong front she hides behind. She has a habit of distancing herself from the ones she cares about. Not only to protect herself, but to protect them. In her mind, she’s bad luck. She feels like she’s the reason that bad things keep happening. She thinks she’s the reason her family is gone. She really misses them. She misses Gwen and Jesse too. Her biggest problem is that she strongly believes that everything that happened to them was her fault. She struggles with those thoughts every day and night. It’s the one subject that eats away at her. Stuff that she’ll never forget. It’s the reason she’s scared of meeting new people. The reason she tries to stay away from the ones she already knows and has grown to love. Alex is the only one left that she knew before coming to this new community. She loves him like family and she doesn’t want to lose him too. Alex makes his way over to where Leslie is, as he sits beside her on the bed. “How are you doing?”, he asks, without making eye contact. She takes a moment to think about it and takes a deep breath before answering. “I think I’m ready”, she says softly as she turns to face in his direction.

Several minutes later, Leslie is packing a small tan-colored backpack, placing items such as boxes of ammo, water bottles and cans of food. She takes her small hand gun and examines it for several seconds as if she’s debating on what to do with it. Her heart races as she thinks of alternate choices she could have made. “If only I was stronger. Smarter. Faster”. A tear begins to make its way down her cheek. “If only” She stands leaning over her bed, wearing a grey tank top that exposes her collar bone, as well as the muscles in her arms. Her shirt  is tucked into her faded black jeans, which are full of holes, as well as a light brown belt and caramel colored shin high boots that are laced with thin black rope that act as laces. She tosses her gun into her bag, and picks up an assault rifle from the flat surface of her bed, holding it by its strap as she swings it over her shoulder. She looks at the bag and starts heading in the direction of the door. She makes it halfway across the room before stopping in her tracks. She turns and glances at the bag, then at the door, and back at the bag once again, before walking to the bag. She unzips the bag a bit and slides her rifle into it, before throwing the bag over her left shoulder, and walking out the door.

The short, muscular girl makes her way to the front gate of the community. Alex didn't like the idea of letting her go out on her own like this, but he didn't want to stop her. He stood, watching from a far as she made her way to the front gate. She was 18, after all. Having spent so much time in her room, she didn't even remember her own birthday. No one else really knew about it anyway, so when the thought crossed her mind, she figured it wasn’t too important. It didn’t really feel like an important memory since she was still broken up over what had happened to Gwen. She tried pretending like she never existed to help herself cope, but that never worked. So she gave up. After everything she’s been through, she's stopped caring about people like she used to. She started to nor care about anyone anymore because she knew it would only hurt in the end.  As she approaches, that gate opens for her. A million thoughts race through her mind as she thinks about what she’s about to do. It’s been 3 months since she last stepped foot outside of these walls, and now she’s about to do it again. The last time she was outside, she lost everything. Her friends, her home, and most importantly the one she loved the most. That’s not something she can just get over. She stops walking and takes a deep breath. She then continues to walk out of the town as the gate closes behind her. She sticks to following a path as she thinks. It seems that overthinking is the only thing she really knows how to do anymore. She finds herself thinking more about herself rather than anyone else in her life. She used to think about Gwen regularly, but now she mostly thinks about how she can get her life together. She knows that it won’t be easy to let go, but she also came to realize that she can’t truly let go until she starts trying. She doesn’t like sitting around feeling sorry for herself, and although it hurts, she wants to try. She gets lost in thought as she walks down the long path. She walks for what feels like forever. She doesn’t realize it, but she’s walked for miles already. All of a sudden, she hears a gunshot as she feels a sharp pain through her right shoulder. She cries in pain as she falls to her knees. She reaches for her right shoulder, using her left hand. Her eyes are closed but she feels the warm liquid pouring out of her arm. As she’s lying there in pain, she feels hands on her. There are now a group of people surrounding her. She feels one of them trying to pick her up, while another one rips her backpack off of her like velcro. She is then thrown back to the ground as someone grabs her arms, tying them with thick rope. “Stop…” she tries to speak, but not many words come out. She is barely able to open her eyes, but she sees someone looking through her bag, while the other 2 are holding her down. “You’re gonna regret this”, she says, gritting her teeth. The people don’t say a word. “Are you deaf?”, she says, trying to project her voice. The person looking through her bag stops to walk over to her. He doesn’t hesitate before kicking her across the face, knocking her out cold.