He just stared at me for a minute, not saying anything. I could read everything he wanted to say in his eyes. Hurt, betrayal, longing, confusion. Who knew a guy could feel so many emotions at once. My heart yearned to reach out to him, but would that help or hurt him? Not to mention Harry. I didn’t have a decision anymore. Louis was not mine, he will never be mine and we can never be together. Thinking that realization to myself helped a little bit. It lifted a little of the weight off my shoulders. I could be happy with Harry. Why can’t I just stay friends with Louis, too? We got along as friends before. He finally replied, “What’s wrong with Lizzy? She’s smart, funny, popular, and hot. I’m a lucky guy.” I could hear the false note in his voice, but I didn’t comment on it. Instead I said, “I guess you are.” I started to turn around and leave but he stopped me, “Are you happy with Harry? Is he what you wanted?” I was happy with Harry when I wasn’t preoccupied with thoughts of me hurting Louis, but is he what I wanted? Maybe, I never had the chance to really see who I needed to be with. If they would’ve given me the time to decide I would have went on a date with both of them, really got to know them and tried to see who I really wanted, but I never got to. If Louis had cared about my own personal opinion on it he would’ve let me decide. I decided not to answer, it was too complicated. Instead I walked back out to where Harry waited for me with a grin. I smiled back and decided that from here on out, it was all about me and him. Louis will never interfere again.
~~~
My first official date with Harry. He picked me up and brought me to this big fancy restaurant. The tables all had candle light and the tablecloths felt like silk. I didn’t say anything about how expensive it looked. Harry made me promise not to bring up money, but inside I was freaking out, wondering how much this would end up costing him. When the waiter brought out the menus I could honestly say I didn’t know what most of it was, I decided to go with something that sounded safe. I tried to not look at the prices, but I couldn’t help but glance and had to groan internally. I was going to make this boy go bankrupt at a young age. We didn’t say much as we waited. To be honest it felt a little awkward. We would start off a conversation only for it to die a little later. We mostly just filled the time with small talk: How’s school? Fine. Grades? Good. It’s been getting pretty cold lately, huh? Yea, pretty cold. Work going good? Eh, it’s work. Ready for summer to come back? I prefer the cold…. Yes, exactly like that. The more the conversations, or whatever you wanted to call them, went on, the more I started to worry about it working between us. We used to be able to carry on a conversation, but now we couldn’t? I all but forgot about our inability to speak to each other when he brought me home. Being the perfect gentleman he opened the door for me and lead me up to my front door. He leaned in to kiss me goodnight and as my head started spinning and my heart started racing, everything felt perfect again. I didn’t care we couldn’t have a conversation, we just had a bad night that’s all. Nerves on both ends, because this was the first time we had an official, romantic date. I could feel how much we cared about each other in this kiss. The kiss just continued to deepen as my head became fuzzy and I started to become shaky. He finally pulled away and spoke, “I should get going, love. But see you soon?” “Of course.” I smiled at him and he held my hand for as long as our reach allowed. I walked back inside feeling like I was walking on air.
~~~
I woke up in the middle of the night for no reason. I rolled over planning on going back to sleep, but I was already awake. UGH, why? I was going to die at school tomorrow. I reached over feeling for my phone on my nightstand. When I was certain I had it grasped in my hand I pulled it over to me and turned it on. It blinded me at first, piercing my eyes after being so used to the darkness. I had a couple of text messages. I lazily opened them, expecting something sweet from Harry. Instead they made me wish I hadn’t opened them. This was not something I wanted to deal with at midnight when I first wake up. They were from Louis: “Are you happy?” and the second one: “Is he what you wanted? Please answer. I have to know.” I didn’t want to answer him. I will just deal with it tomorrow. I’ll have to let him know that I’m happy and I want to be with Harry. The thought of it sent my heart to my stomach. I spent the rest of the night trying to ignore the weight on my chest and the pain in my heart.
