I woke up to somebody poking my arm. One thing I hate more than anything is someone poking me or prodding me awake. It is one thing that can really put me in a sour mood in the morning. All somebody has to do is simply say my name and I’ll gladly wake up. I was ready to turn and start yelling but a hand clamped over my mouth. “Just come with me for a second, please?” I let my eyes adjust to the darkness and saw a mop of curly hair above me. I followed it down to a set of green eyes. Why was Harry waking me up? I turned and looked at the clock on the bedside table. Freaking two in the morning?! What is wrong with him? I slid up, suddenly aware of the other warm body on the bed breathing evenly. That’s why Harry had covered my mouth, Louis was fast asleep. He held his hand out to me so I wouldn’t have to stumble around in the dark, he had clearly not been asleep yet, by how easy it was for him to see, no sleep fogged his eyes and he was used to how dark it was. I let him lead me to the front door where he grabbed my heavy coat from the closet beside it and handed it to me. As I pulled it on, I watched him warily as he did the same with his. We both reached down and pulled on our shoes, mine without socks, since I don’t sleep in them, therefore I didn’t have any on. He took my hand and led me outside where a wall of freezing air hit me in the face. I pulled my coat tighter around me with my free hand. He slowly led me to the stairs where he sat on the first step. I sat beside him and waited for him to speak, I was still confused on why he brought us out here. “Emmy? If I ask you to tell me the truth about a few things, would you tell me?” When he breathed out I could see it swirl in the cold air in front of his mouth. What does he want to know? I rubbed my cold hands together and spoke, my voice still think with sleep, “What is it that you want to know? I’ll try my best.” He looked like he was deciding what to ask first while I sat with my hands fisted in my lap and waited for what was so important that he didn’t mind being outside in the freezing cold. “What are your feelings on our relationship? Tell me everything, don’t hold back. I want to know every thought that has passed through your mind since we got together.” He looked at me his eyes shining with intensity. I went over everything in my head. What did I think of our relationship? I thought about all the thoughts that have ran through my head since we got together. “Well, I think it’s nice. You’re really sweet.” He gave me a look that said I needed to share more. “I don’t know Harry. I like you, I mean I guess sometimes I feel sort of awkward. Like on our first date, it was like we didn’t know what to say to each other, but when you kiss me I forget about that.” Then it occured to me what I had really been thinking but was too scared to mull over on my own, I continued, feeling the truth in my words, “I guess sometimes I feel like we are only physical, like Lizzy said (I had to swallow bile down at agreeing with her) she made a point. We really do spend more time filling silences with touches instead of talk.” I was nodding at myself, noticing how honest I was being. I looked at Harry who was nodding, too. Like he had expected this answer. I waited for him to speak, letting my words sink in. “I feel the same. I mean at first I was ecstatic we were a couple, but when we’re together I sometimes feel like it’s a struggle trying to carry on a conversation with you. It was never like that when we were just friends though. I don’t understand what had changed.” I tried to look for an answer to that. Why had it changed? Were we just better friends? I saw Harry and thought he was searching for an answer, too. I was still looking for reasons when he spoke again. “I guess you’re wondering what me and Louis had talked about… The boy really likes you. I can’t believe I didn’t notice before now. I assumed he might still have a crush on you, but nothing he couldn’t handle. Truth is, he has been hurting more than I could ever imagine over this. You know me and Louis clicked instantly when we first met? It was like I found my long lost brother. We were joined at the hip. We can finish each other’s sentences and know what the other wants almost immediately and somehow I looked over one of the most important things… his feelings for you. To be completely honest, if I would’ve known I never would have let him get with Lizzy and I wouldn’t have pursued you. His feelings for you are a lot deeper than my own. I know that sounds bad. It’s the truth though. When I first met you, I thought you could be the one. The time trying to get you was fun, too, but when we got together and had our first date, I realized I might have been wrong about my feelings, maybe I didn’t like you as much as I thought. So maybe I’m impulsive? I don’t know… I feel so bad now, knowing that maybe I didn’t like you as much as I tried to think I did. Maybe it’s the fact that, even though I don’t like you as much as I thought I did, I still like you more than I have anybody else. I don’t think we’re meant to be together to be completely honest. Louis.. He.. He really has some feelings for you. I’ve never seen him care so much for a girl. What makes it even more weird is that Louis is careful. He never just falls for a girl, but he has for you. I think that’s special.” He went quiet for a minute. I took that as my chance to talk. “So, are we breaking up then?” It did hurt a little, but not as much as I thought it was to say those words. “Yea, I already told Louis I was going to, he just doesn’t know when. I’m sorry. He’s happy again though, seeing him today, with all the hope in his eyes that he has a chance with you. It made me happy, too. Now that he’s back to himself, I realize now that he hadn’t been acting right. A little late, right?” I nodded. I had a lot to think about and I was exhausted. I cleared my throat and spoke, “Let’s go inside, it’s cold. By the way, don’t feel bad that you broke up with me. I think it was going to happen eventually. Once we talked about our lack of conversation on our own.” He nodded, “Don’t think you’re any less special though.” I nodded, both of us smiling, and we walked back to our room. I crawled up into the bed, careful not to jostle Louis too much and felt Harry doing the same. My toes were freezing and my fingers were numb. I closed my eyes, wanting to slip into sleep immediately and stretched accidently brushing Louis’ warm leg with my foot and moved to give him more space, but was interrupted, “Geez, your feet are freezing. Where did you guys go?” I turned at the sound of Louis’ voice. I wasn’t sure if we had woken him up with our entrance or if he had woken up in our absence. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you. We were talking outside.” He yawned and turned over, facing me. “We’ll talk about it later, yea?” I nodded, not sure if he could see me in the dark though.
~~~
When I woke up I felt like I was suffocating. For one, I’m thinking somebody woke up in the middle of the night and turned the heat up, two I was cocooned in the covers, and three sometime during the night Louis and Harry had gravitated towards me and I was squished between them. I was trying to find a way to get out without waking them up, but frustration started to get the best of me, and that frustration was turning into panic. I was so twisted up in the covers I couldn’t even get my toe out, and the boys being pressed so tight up against me, I started to get the feeling I was never going to get out. My intentions of trying not to wake up the boys went right out the window as I started to thrash about and whine like a child. A whimper escaped my lips and I was pushing against the covers but they weren’t moving, the heat was getting to be too much and I could feel how claustrophobic I was. I started beating my legs and yanking my arms around, but it didn’t seem to be doing too much, and I started to think it was because Louis and Harry was pinning the covers tight down on each side. “Get me out! I’m stuck! I’m never going to get untangled! Guys please wake up and help me! I’m going to be stuck in here forever!” I sounded like a child as I whined the words out, thrashing about. Louis was the first to start stirring and then Harry. They slowly looked at me dazed. “Help me! I can’t get out! It’s hot and I don’t think I can take it anymore!” I could feel a tingling in my eyes as my thrashing didn’t help in the slightest. What can I say? I’m really claustrophobic. Realization flashed in their eyes at the same moment and they rolled away from me and pulled at the covers, making it come out from around me, which I kicked at it until it was in the floor and I brought my hands up to cover my eyes as I took long shaky breaths. “Hey, you alright?” I heard Louis’ soft voice come from beside me. “Just give me a second. I thought I was never going to get out of those blankets.” I could feel the sweat that was making my shirt cling to me. Harry was the next one that spoke, “I know, you sounded like a baby crying. ‘Help me! I’m going to be stuck in here forever!’” He mimicked me and I slapped him without looking, a smile crossing my face. I’m glad our recent break-up didn’t take away our friendship, or make it awkward between us. I felt more than heard him chuckling beside me, he was shaking the whole bed. Louis touched my cheek, “Claustrophobic, huh? Me, too.” “You don’t even know. I wasn’t going to wake you up, but I couldn’t help it.” When we were finally all up, a bit earlier than the day before, Liam suggested we go out to eat breakfast. We all agreed, fighting over the bathrooms to get ready. When we finally left and found a nice diner I saw Liam’s confused glance when Louis sat beside me instead of Harry, who had pulled up a chair at the end of the table. I shrugged and gave him a look, trying to convey a message to him that we had broke up, but it was alright. He didn’t understand though. “Did you and Harry break up?” The table got quiet as everybody else realized he wasn’t beside me either, having just looked over it. Even Louis looked at me wanting confirmation, remembering our entrance last night and wondering if that was the reason. You would have thought he would have guessed it already. Harry nodded at the same time I did, “On good terms though.” I quickly said to avoid any awkwardness. Harry nodded in agreement with that and smiled at me to prove it, which I returned. The majority of the table, myself included, knew what this meant and glanced at Louis who had a small smile playing on his lips. The waitress came then, stopping what everybody had been thinking about.
~~~
We had spent the rest of the day before the show going shopping and finding things to do outside the hotel. We didn’t want to be cooped up this entire trip. We were in a music store all of the boys attention on a guitar when I walked off to look at some of the other instruments in the store. When a light arm fell across my shoulders, I wasn’t shocked, I knew whose arm it was. “We need to talk.” I nodded.
