The Day I lost you

Day 5

I'm standing there where you took your life and I'm waiting to feel you there, but there's just... nothing. I'm sitting in your truck, I'm waiting for you, something, anything, but again just nothing.I'm looking for more answers, another letter or something, anything that can make me understand why you felt so lost.

 I get a paper, clearly your handwriting with two sentences written on it, those two sentences said to you by the one who broke you, and I know, for sure I know as the sun shines on me today that that was the reason. 

As I will love and cherish you forever and ever in my heart, so will I hate with all that is in me.

I know you loved me, you said that in your farewell letter and I know you knew how bitterly I love you but a mother's love, no matter how great, will be is powerless against the hurt someone else is causing you. 

I am broken, hurt, and shattered but there is room for this terrible hatred because you, my sunshine child who gave everything was simply not good enough for...I miss you, my angel. 

People walk past me, get on with their daily tasks, but how, how, I ask you, do I do it again? How do I pick up the shards of my heart again, especially when I do not want to? The days go by faster than I want it to. Tuesday is approaching and my heart is pounding. 

I can and do not want to bury you, leave you deep in a hole. I want you with me, every day, always. You were mine, mine first and now you're just gone. I'm struggling boy, I feel dead. 

I look but I see nothing...a robot, that's who I am. 

Nothing makes sense anymore, nothing matters anymore, I'm broken.