Just Friends

Eleven

If being away in another country was tough, being in the same country within minutes of each other but unable to meet was another sort of challenge.

The first couple of days were spent mostly sleeping and catching up on rest, adjusting back to the timezone. By the fourth day though, I realized that I was starting to get desperate to see her.

"I miss you!" I practically yelled on the video chat as soon as she picked it.

"Hello, Bin-ssi! Tough day today?" She pouted, trying to commiserate with me.

"Yes. I am desperate to be with you, Ye Jin-ssi."

She smiled, touching the phone as if she could reach out and touch my face. "Just a little more, Binnie. A few days more. Hang in there for me, okay?"

I pouted but nodded for her. I did not want to complain because I knew more people were having a harder time but it didn't take away the fact that the situation was less than ideal.

"Oh you're so cute," she said. "Are you feeling good though? No symptoms?"

"None. Thank goodness. I hope this continues for the remainder of my quarantine."

"Yes. I hope so, too," she said.

"How are you today, Jin-ssi? I am sorry for not asking. I've been too preoccupied with my troubles."

She smiled. "Good now that I'm talking to you. I was feeling a little down earlier, perhaps because of the weather."

I felt a bit worse. Ye Jin had moments like these, when a wave of melancholy would hit. She would tell me that sometimes it's hormones, but sometimes she just feels like nothing is right.

In the beginning, I would get confused. We would be great together one day and the next I felt like she was just shutting me out.

After a few times of this happening, I knew I had to say something.

It was a random day in between shoots and she had refused to talk to me for the third day.

It started with curt replies to my messages.

Then, it was as if anything I said was wrong. When I would ask, though, she would answer, quite annoyed that it was nothing but would reject my calls.

The next day, I knew I needed to do something.

"Jin, you're going to have to help me understand you."

"You don't have to. I told you, I'm complicated, Bin-ssi."

"So?"

"Save yourself."

"From what?" I asked, exasperatedly.

"I'm not someone who laughs every day, Bin."

"Did you think that's what I expected of you? Besides, I'm not a walk in the park either."

"But you're good and patient and kind."

I frowned. "Are you saying you don't want me around anymore?"

She looked so torn that I wanted to take my question back. Thankfully, she answered me. Taking a deep breath, she said,  "I just... I just don't want this to get to the point where you won't want to be around me anymore. So let's just end here," she said, looking so forlorn.

I rushed and hugged her then. "Omo, Jin-ssi. How could you think that?"

"I told you I'm difficult."

"So am I? Are you saying you want me to leave because I'm rigid with my routines and all that?"

She shook her head and hugged me closer. "Of course not!"

"Then, I feel the same."

"Bin-ssi..." she pulled away and wanted to say more but seemed at a loss for words.

"Shhhh. It's okay. I just want you to know that I'd really like to stick around and I hope you let me."

I searched her face now. It had less of heaviness she used to have when we first discussed it and I felt grateful that she let me hang around.

"I promise to give you lots of hugs as soon as I can," I assured.

"Good! Hang on!" She disappeared for a bit then returned holding up a piece of paper with the date today and the words One hug from Bin-ssi.

"What's that?!"

"My list! To make sure you keep all your promises."

I chuckled. "What are the other things you've written?"

There was a meal I promised, a night of watching movies, telling her everything about my trip... among others. "That's a lot!"

"I know. It might take you a lifetime to complete!" She giggled, her tone teasing.

I smiled because her laughter was always so contagious. But at that moment, something pierced my heart.

A lifetime.

That sounded wonderful.

To her, I said, "A lifetime it is then."

She beamed at me and I could almost feel its warmth across the phone screens. It reaffirmed something I had known and been keeping for awhile: I adored her and this beautiful, kind, funny, passionate woman owned my heart.

I cannot wait for the next ten days to go by. In the meantime, I needed to be able to plan something special for this woman who was happily chatting about this Netflix series she was starting. "Bin-ssi, how about let's have a watch party later?"

"A watch party?"

"Yes. Let's prepare the same food and drinks then set up a time to call and we'll be on the call while we watch the series?"

I nodded, for now, it was better than nothing. "Good plan. What shall we have?"

I wanted some samgyupsal while she wanted some soju so we decided on that. "Call me around 8?" She asked.

"Okay. I'll speak to you later."

As soon as our call ended, I made a list of things I needed for a special dinner. Two important things:

1 - Flowers because they were her favourites; and,

2 - a commitment ring

I took a deep breath. I truly wasn't sure she would say yes to being more than friends but I knew it was time, so I would start with this commitment ring.

As much as I wanted to, I didn't want to scare her by giving her the engagement ring I bought for her long ago.

Saying a prayer of thanks for having Jin in my life, I also asked, Please please please... say yes.