Just Friends

Nine

Two hours.

Two more hours and I would be back home. Home, I smiled. I have always been proud of my country and for every trip abroad, I went back with an extra appreciation for where I was born. But, these days, it was even more special because of her.

Two hours...

... and then a fourteen day quarantine period, of course. Still, in the same timezone, breathing the same air.

There was a part of me that was nervous, of course. We were due for another talk and those things could always go either way. Did I still have a chance? Or was this the moment she would cut me off?

She did say we were good, and after all this time knowing her, I knew that when she said something, she truly meant it. It was one of the things I appreciated most about her. Was it easy to get this point? No. Her years in the industry has taught her to hone her skills well and hide her true self, and it took awhile to get her to trust me for me to finally see who she was behind that glamour and easy smile for everyone.

We hit it off soon after we met, it was quite obvious to everyone. But those were bonds anchored on our shared passion for the work we do. Conversations usually surrounded ideas on how to make our characters or the scene better, or what would be the game plan on the marketing for the film. But, she allowed me to see glimpses of her true heart.

And that lingering loneliness within it.

It was one night as we were out for dinner and drinks with our film director, he asked us if we would want to be reborn. To my surprise, she answered no. She said to us, "I've worked so hard in this life and want to give it all with this but not to come back and live this again."

I frowned at that. She truly seemed exhausted and I wondered what was behind it.

I was restless that night and tossed and turned in bed. I kept checking my phone to see if the time was decent enough to send her a message or call. When it was finally a good time, I sent a message: Hey, I was wondering about something you said last night. If you don't mind may I ask you about it?

I felt like it was a sensitive topic so I asked if we could meet somewhere and thankfully she agreed.

"Oh my, Bin," she said, surprised at what I asked. "You were bothered by that? I'm very touched but why? Why do you want to know?"

I shrugged. "It was something in your voice. I just... It doesn't sit well with me to see a friend so sad. I am your friend, yes?"

She nodded. "Of course."

"Then, I would like to understand it if you don't mind. I may not have an answer but I would like to try to help if I can."

She sighed, and it was one of those rare moments that the light was gone from her eyes. "I don't want you to misinterpret what I say by thinking I am not loved by my family. I am. I truly am lucky."

"Understood."

"But...," she sighed again before continuing. She stared at the table, eyes not focusing on anything but seemingly trying to figure out all that has happened in the years that she has been working. "I'm thankful for everything I've gotten... all the awards, the recognition. I worked hard for them and I am grateful that other people have appreciated that by going to see my movies, shows and giving these awards to me... but when I go home, there's just me."

I understood but did not wish to interrupt her.

"When all the camera clicks are gone, and I've changed out of beautiful gown and my face is devoid of makeup, I sit on my sofa, look at my award and feel... empty. I... I don't regret not marrying earlier and I definitely do not plan to force myself to get married just for the sake of not being alone, but... there are times when I think... it would be nice to share that moment with someone."

She sighed again. "And I don't want to sound disingenuous for all the opportunities that were given to me and I definitely do not regret putting in 110% for everything I've done... but again... sometimes I wonder what it would be like if I prioritized something else other than my career. Or... or maybe... if circumstances were different and the industry would be more forgiving that I could balance a successful career and personal life. Sometimes I wonder... if there could be a balance, could I have convinced some people to stay..."

She took a sip of her beer, looked up at me and then said, "But I chose my profession, so I keep working hard. When I'm done, then I'm done. That's it. My life has been filled with tough choices and I want to believe that I chose what is best. However, I do not wish to relive this."

She looked at me, strong and unwavering. "I do not wish for your pity, Bin-ssi."

I nodded. "And I will not give it. Thank you for telling me. May I give you some of my thoughts?"

She was pensive, before slowly nodding.

"You are admirable — From the work you put in, the projects you choose, the way you treat people... everything deserves to be admired. I have always thought that the industry is particularly difficult and it pains me to see this on you, but I am glad that you still grace us, your audience, with the great work you do," I started.

"Thank you, Bin-ssi. That's very kind."

"As for the people who have left you."

I saw her square her shoulders, but allowed me to continue.

"I do not want to judge their reasons, for I do not know what was going on in their lives at the time, but I just hope you know that not everyone leaves. There are still genuine friendships that are built like with you and your 7 Cinderellas and me and my group. AND, for a few lucky people, they are also able to find solid, long-lasting romantic relationships. I sincerely wish you do not question your greatness because some people have chosen a different path."

Jin rolled her eyes. "I know. Sometimes it just gets tiring you know?"

I nodded. "Call me anytime you feel down, okay?"

"I do not like broken promises, Bin-ssi," she warned. "I may have my faults but I keep my word."

"I know and I keep mine as well. Anytime. Late at night, early in the morning. Anytime you feel your star is not shining as bright, let me know. I'll remind you why you're the best star out there."

"But what if I don't want to see Son Ye Jin's brightness? What if I just want to be Eon Jin?"

I smiled. "I could remind her, too, but you're going to have to introduce me to her. I fear I only know a little of who she is but she seems very interesting."

Thankfully, that bright smile I've always admire came back. Extending her right hand to me, she said, "Hi! I'd like to introduce myself. I am Son Eon Jin from Daegu."

Taking her hand, I said. "Hello, Eon Jin. I am Kim TaePyung."

I smiled at the memory.

I don't know what the future held, but I was sure that I intended to keep my word. For as long as she will allow me, I intend to be part of Son Eon Jin's life.

Two hours.

Two more hours, Jin. I'll be home soon.