Frontiers Unexplored

20) Twisted Beasts

This chapter contains discussion on a variety of heavy subjects with the potential to be triggering. These topics include child abuse, parental death, car accidents, and eating disorders. Please be careful, and don't read any content that will harm you. 

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Junpei could barely stand to stay in the same group as the rest of the team in the aftermath of the fight with Aquariamon. He tasted copper whenever he stood still for too long, so he leaned against the doorframe of the room that he and Izumi had been sharing the night before as he fiddled around with a charging cord that he had been keeping in his pocket ever since leaving Earth behind. It was a miracle that it hadn't been ruined yet, but he was glad that it had managed to remain intact. After all, it gave him something to play with to take his mind off what had happened. 

Junpei wasn't about to let any emotion show on his face, but the rest of the group was doing far worse at masking how upset they were. Takuya's expression was sullen, a hollowed shadow of his regular bright optimism. Tomoki didn't want to meet anyone's eyes, and Bokomon and Neemon remained close together all the time. Chihiro's expression was blank, but they occasionally shot an expression of concern over to Takuya. Koji was silent and stood on his own, but Izumi's face still haunted him no matter how hard he tried to hide such a fact. 

How could any of them not be bothered? Junpei felt like utter shit, and he focused on playing the charging cord to keep from letting such information out. Tears threatened to spill over at the corners of his eyes, but he didn't let them fall. He couldn't tell if he was more sad or enraged, and the lack of distinction was already starting to frustrate him. 

On one hand, Junpei was grieving for a girl who wasn't even dead. It shouldn't have ended that way. Izumi was a kind young woman, and she had reached out to Junpei despite all of the differences between them. He was loud, too bold and abrasive for his own good with a habit of shoving his foot in his mouth, and she was delicate, graceful, always aware of the perfect thing to say. When everything had been falling apart, she still managed to pull herself together enough to ensure Junpei that everything was going to be fine. As they trudged through a storm and tears streaked freely down her cheeks, Izumi still tried to help him. Why did this have to happen to her of all people, the first one to actually show him genuine kindness after years of raw loneliness that scraped him bone dry until there was only self-hatred left?

On the other hand, Junpei hated himself for letting her get hurt. Izumi had done so much for him, and what rewards had she earned from such a connection? She was so nice to him when he was feeling demoralized and feared the world crumbling around them. She even admitted that she loved spending time with him when he had thought that his own imperfections made him unlovable for so long. He felt safe around her, and he hadn't done anything when she ran off to find her Beast Spirit alone. Junpei kicked himself for not seeing the signs that she was crumbling beneath the surface, and he wished that he had noticed at least something from her. She had been so distant the night before, and the next time he saw her, she was crumpled on the beach sand. 

Junpei couldn't stand to close his eyes, instead forcing himself to look at the charger for far too long to be healthy. If he allowed his vision to dip into the darkness, he was just going to see her face again, so weak and vulnerable, and the thought made him sick. Why hadn't he done something? He should have known there was something wrong, but because he didn't realize, Izumi was suffering. 

Junpei was truly starting to hate his lack of compassion. He simply wasn't the type to pick up on the emotions of others, and such was turning out to be a terrible weakness. He hadn't been able to reach out to Aeoelmon despite knowing that he had to try, and it had cost all of them in battle. Even if the group had somehow managed to pick up the pieces and move to the next destination, harm was still done, and if Junpei had just figured out how to talk to Chihiro, maybe none of it would have happened.