2020 Present
“Hi Lim. It’s me Adad. Adad Evans. Does it ring a bell? I’m sure it doesn’t. But I still hoped a part of you remembered me. I’m your childhood friend. Well I was your childhood friend. I’m your friend who used to hang out with you in your grandma’s tree house. Is the tree house still at your grandma’s yard? I miss it so much. But I missed you more.”
“Hi again Lim. This is my second letter for you. Maybe I was too shy to send you these letters. But somehow writing these letters helped me cope missing you when you are a hundred miles away from me. So, yeah, if you would ask, I think my treatment is working because I am looking less like a zombie haha. I can walk longer now without collapsing. And my parents were so happy so I felt happy too.
“Merry Christmas Lim. This is my third letter for you. Uhm, I can’t sleep because I was thinking about what gift I will give you. Because I’m pretty sure you almost had everything. And I’m not very familiar with girl stuffs too. But I made some wishing coupons. You can make any wish and I will make them come true. But I am too embarrassed to even send these to you. I know, I am so lame. But in a cool way, right?”.
“Happy Birthday Lim. You are the most beautiful person I’ve met in my life. Well not just outside but also inside. Do you remember our meeting in the playground? When you passed out and I carried you in my arms. Well I was terrified to see you lying on the grass and maybe my adrenaline kicked in and I was able to carry you. But it’s funny, that I was happy to see you passed out. I got a chance to hold you and see your beautiful face closer. Just like a prince saving his princess. It just made my heart break when you didn’t remember me. You must have forgotten my ocean eyes. But I won’t blame you for it. I just want to say thank you very much for being born. You brought light in my dark world. I love you Lim.
“Hi Lim. Well I think this was supposed to be my farewell letter to you. I tried to go home to meet you but I collapsed when we were on our way to the airport. Yeah, it sucks. I can’t help but be depressed. And it seemed to have affected my recovery. I am already in my last stage of Leukemia. Don’t worry, I’m not scared of dying anyway. I think this is a better option because I pretty much lived a sad and boring life anyway. Aside from meeting you, my light, I knew my life had a meaning. For me, your name means life is meaningful. Because you brought meaning into mine. Please always remember that. And in my next life. I hope I am stronger than I am now so I can love you better. I just want to say that I loved you, I love you and I will always love you. Be strong Lim.
Yours forever, Adad Evans.
I don’t know how many times I have read these letters. I don’t know how many buckets of tears I have shed. But seven years have passed. And I know it’s time to move on. And let all the guilt, regrets, sadness go.
I am now a hematologist-oncologist, a physician who specializes in the diagnosis, treatment and/or prevention of blood diseases and cancers such as leukemia. Adad inspired me to find my passion and goal in my life. Every leukemia patient reminded me of him. And I am always reminded of his will and strength to face this illness.
A knock made me come back to reality.
“Yes, come in please.”
“Doctor Lim, someone is waiting outside for you.” A nurse told me.
After opening the door, a bouquet of Chrysanthemums greeted me.
“Hi Doc Lim.” Vritz greeted me. And he gave me a peck on my cheek. And he kissed the ring on my finger.
Yes. Vritz is my boyfriend now. Well my fiancé.
Vritz was there when I was mourning for Adad’s death. I pushed everyone away, but he remained by my side. I was still heartbroken. I thought that he had a girlfriend. But he calmly explained to me that he had to do it to fulfill Adad’s dying wish.
At first, I was dumbfounded, but I eventually understood his sacrifice. It was for me. They are hurting and lying because of me.
He also pursued me after five years. He knocked again on my heart, but I’m not sure if I can give the key to it again. But he was persistent. He was constantly reminding me that it doesn’t matter if he had to wait for a thousand years, as long as I just let him care and love me.
And at some point, my heart began to love someone again. After him.
Love is majestic.
He proposed to me three months ago.
“Hi Babe, I told you to stop calling me Doc Lim when we are alone. You are so formal.”
“Okay babe. But Doc Lim sounds smart and sexy don’t you think so?
I just swatted his arm.
“But, are you ready to see him again?” he silently asked.
For the first time in a while, my heart and mind agreed on one answer.
“Yes, I am.” I confidently said.
Unlike the first time I saw him in there, my heart was broken into pieces. But I’m much healed now. A little strong, I guess.
His warm smile that I haven’t seen for years welcomed me again. And I know that my heart is more at peace now. I wiped some dust off his photo frame.
Then I laid down the bouquet of flowers in his tomb.
“Hi Adad. I miss you.”
“I’m sure he misses you too.” Vritz lit a candle as well.
“I’ll be waiting for you in the car babe.” And with a light tap on the shoulder, Vritz left me alone with him.
“I’m sorry Adad for not visiting you regularly. I have been busy with my studies, internship and finally I’m a doctor, Adad. Are you proud of me?”
A soft gust of wind passed by and I smiled.
It’s a yes.
“And as what you have seen already, Vritz and I are now together. I have your blessing, right?”.
Another soft gust of wind passed by and I smiled wider.
“Every leukemia patient that I met in the hospital reminded me of you Adad, I vow to do my best to help them because you saved me Adad.”
Another tear rolled down my cheek, and I’m sure it’s a tear of healing.
“I am letting you go now Adad, but always remember, there is always a place for you in my heart.
And just like déjà vu, the rain started pouring again. It seems that the heavens are sharing this moment with me.
Not far from me, I saw Vritz smiling while holding an umbrella.
I ran towards him and buried myself into his arms.
Then he gave me a comforting smile, and led me to get inside his car. We enjoyed the comforting few minutes before he started the engine.
I looked outside the window and stared at the sky. The rain had immediately stopped pouring.
The sun was shining brightly again. And I remember his bright smile.
Adad was like the blazing sun.
Looking at it, I whispered, “I love you, Goodbye.”
