Within a few days I was on my way home, back to America. I had managed to find a way out of the marriage. I talked everything through with Connor's parents, they had understood how upset and discouraged I was, they knew being here wasn't good for my health or for their son.
My heart ached every time I thought about leaving. I knew I shouldn't, but I know I wouldn't get better if I didn't. I need some normal in my life. I need all my old friends, I need my room, my parents. Even if they had sent me to marry some stranger I didn't have it in me to hate them. Missing them was just another hole in my heart, one that was going to be filled. I knew the second that I left I just created a new hole, one for my new home, my new family I had lost.
Connor had begged me to stay the day I exploded on him about eating, but after I refused to stay for probably the hundredth time, he gave up. He didn't talk to me, he was never at the house, he was just gone. I can't help but to say that I was disappointed. I wanted him to not give up, I knew I wouldn't give in, but he could've fought harder for me.
Once I set foot in America everything had changed. My parents greeted me with tears and more hugs than anyone would ever need, but I hadn't been happier in months. I was home, I was with my parents, everything actually seemed normal for the first time in months. I got phone calls from friends, and visits. I slept in my own bed, with my favorite blankets, my doggy curled up at my feet. I began eating better.
I stopped regretting everything that had happened with Connor. It had to happen, I had to get back to my life here. I had to get back to my family and friends, the college I dreamed of. I didn't have to be a housewife here, I never even have to be a wife. It was super refreshing to me. Although there was a gnawing feeling that wouldn't quite go away.
Weeks passed with no mention of Connor, or England. Everything was merely a dream, another lifetime away. I stopped grieving the babies in such a harsh way. It was better. My parents finally decided after I started eating, hanging out with friends, even laughing that it was finally a safe subject.
"Kate, what happened? What made you want to come home?" Mom asked.
"I... didn't have a reason to stay, I didn't want to. I don't... I don't love him anymore. Even if I did, I don't deserve him."
"You said you did." She smoothed my hair. "I could hear it in your voice."
I sighed, "You didn't hear anything, I was completely in lust with him. I thought I was in love when I got pregnant, but I was more in love with the thought of love than I was Connor. He was more in love with the person he thought I was." I looked at her with a blank expression, "Now, can I please go to sleep?" She nodded, that was the last I heard about Connor for weeks. Everything was normal... Until I got a call from Alex.
"Katey, you've got to come home." He begged, I could hear the desperation in his voice.
"I can't, I won't." I murmured into the phone.
"Connor... there's something really wrong." I knew something was actually wrong with Connor, my heart sped up and my stomach felt trapped in my throat. "He's..." The next words tore my world apart yet again.
YOU ARE READING
Should I Stay
Teen FictionAfter a brutal miscarriage tore Connor and Katey apart. They try to live their own lives without each other. Katey moves to America, Connor stays in England. Will their love ever be rekindled or sometimes is it just best to leave the past behind? (S...