NOT UR FREAK (Avengers fan-fiction)

Capitulo Ocho: Numb

You put your mark on me. Now wherever I go I take you with me, whenever I hide you are there. Waiting. For the lights to go out, for my eyes to close so you can come out.

What kind of father only lives in nightmares?

-Elephantintheroom7-

At first, everything hurt. All of my muscles felt like they had been torn apart and sewn together poorly. Bones felt shattered, heads felt ready to explode, and the pangs of hunger racked us all constantly. At some point during my initial struggle with the guards and Doctors, a few of my stitches had broken open.

But none of that compared to the drugs and liquids that were pumped into our blood streams. That pain was unmatched and incomparable. Sometimes it burns until it feels like your blood is on fire. Sometimes it is so cold you feel like your bones will never thaw. But most of the time it just hurts, hurts so bad and so different you want to rip out every nerve in your body, so they will just stop. Stop feeling, stop hurting, stop being.

No one has the energy for resistance anymore. We wake up, we eat, we follow, and we scream.

I don't mean to complain, after all it has been getting better. No, not better, blurrier. Everything is becoming duller, faded. Needle after needle is injected, and hour after hour drags by until there is no distinguishment between anything. The lines between time blur, then fade altogether; leaving us in a kind of half-world where dreams are just as tangible as reality. Where the only haven is our minds, and what peace we can get from them is quickly dissipating.

After a while though, even that go's numb. Things become cloudy, like the world is spinning too fast and you can only make out blurs off what might be people.

Sometimes I'll get a glimpse of someone I recognize; someone I should recognize. Or hear an adult voice that doesn't belong to the Doctors, a voice I know but can't quite place. One that terrifies me. That makes me collapse to the floor shaking, clutching my scars and reaching for memories I should have. For I girl I used to be.

There is not a lot I am aware of during those days. The drugs become stronger, the Doctors more desperate, my once too small skirt hangs loosely off my protruding hips. The thing I notice the most is the growing space of the room.

Soon after we arrived eleven more children were delivered to or shared space, and then more after that. By our fifth day in Hydra there isn't even space to lie down.

But now it's emptying. Every day less and less people come back. Soon there is not only room to lie down, but to walk.

Sometimes, very rarely, a child will disappear and then come back after only a few days. They come back bruised, bloody, and somewhat insane. Some of them talk to themselves for hours on end, repeating the same phrase again and again.

'Hail Hydra, ruler of the world. Hail Hydra, may your enemies fall. Hail Hydra, hail Hydra, Hydra.'

In this harrowing existence I have but one anchor, one rock of sanity I can chain myself to. Javier is my only constant, the only person I know I can come back to, who will come back to me. I wait anxiously as the days and nights meld, as the hours roll together and the minuets become one. And every day, when I have nearly given up and resigned myself to live out whatever remains of my life without him. When I have accepted my fate among the dead before me, he stumbles through the door and collapses next to me. Broken in so many ways, but there, always there.

But then one day, a day filled with more needles and pain than most others, he isn't.

Uhg, this is the most disappointing chapter so far. I had big plans for this update, but apparently it's not to be. Just goes to show you shouldn't write while living off of five hours of sleep and two quarts of coffee. Plus I'm on my period, and I'm stressed about a stupid report I should be writing, and I'm rambling. So yeah, you get the point, we've all had those days. Also, yes, I switched the beginning quote from chapter three to this one, just because I thought it fit better here, and now I need another quote for that chapter. Partly because I like you people and want your opinion, partly because I'm *cough* lazy. You guys are the best, and happy reading. Lots of love, your local Elephant.

Toodles