the cheerleader and the outcast >> dan howell

Chapter 9

"Sometimes, crying is the only way your eyes speak
when your mouth can't explain how broken your heart is."

-Unknown

~

When we got home from the beach, we walk in the door to find Dan's mom talking to someone on my cell phone.

"Yes, this is her daughters phone." She speaks quietly, I see tears in her eyes. She pauses for a moment and then looks at me. "Yes she just got home." She croaks into the phone. There is another pause and she slowly hands the phone to me. I take it in my hands and give her a strange look, not knowing what's going on. I put the phone to my ear.

"This is Rachel Ali." I whisper softly into the phone, biting my lip.

"Hello sweetheart." A man's voice says into the phone. "Where are you right now?" He asks.

"I'm..." I pause, I don't want to say at my friends house. I look at Mrs. Howell and she mouths the word 'Aunt'. I nod. "I'm at my aunts house right now." I lie and look at Dan's mom. She nods at me.

"Okay." The man's voice says. He sighs and there is a long pause until he finally says. "We have been informed by one of your neighbors...that your mother has committed suicide." He says slowly. My heart stops and I feel like the world around me all freezes. I open my mouth to say something, but nothing but a loud shriek comes out. All of a sudden my knees feel like jello and I fall to the floor on my knees, putting a hand over my mouth to try a muffle the sobs.

"Sweetheart?" The man asks, but I don't respond. "Rachel, are you there?" He says, this time louder. Mrs. Howell takes the phone from me and presses it to her ear. Dan rushes over to me and sits beside me, wrapping his arms around me. I bury my head into his chest and sob loudly into it, making his shirt soaking wet with tears. I hear his mom talking in the background and finally she hangs up the phone. She rushes to me and bends down and puts a hand on my back.

"The police said you can stay with us." She says, and I look at her and nod through my tears. "We are gonna take you to your house tomorrow to collect some things and bring them to our house." She says. Some tears spill out of her eyes and she gets up and walks to her room.

"M-my mom...s-she...she k-killed herself." I say between sobs. Dan tightens his grip on me. "S-she did it because...because of m-m-me." I stutter and cry harder. Dan pulls back from me and looks me in the eyes.

"Don't you say that." He says firmly. "Your mother was a troubled person, you know that. But she loved you." He says. I just nod and then burry my head into the crook of his neck, no more tears left, so I just silently sob.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It has been 3 hours, and I lay in the guest room alone. I told Dan I wanted to be left alone for a while, so he showed me to the room I would be living in from now on. This whole thing is a complete blur for me, and I feel like it is just a dream. I know it's not though.

I lay on my stomach on the bed in silence and breath steadily, listening to the wind blow against the window outside. I am dressed in one of Dan's old t-shirts and a pair of his sweatpants, since I don't have any pajamas with me. It's completely dark now, but I am not tired at all. I stare blankly at a wall, not thinking, and I hear my door open and then close. Footsteps come closer and I feel someone get on the bed beside me. I don't turn around, and we sit in silence for a few seconds.

"I'm so sorry this happened to you." Dan's voice whispers from behind me. I just shrug and continue staring at a wall trying to hold in my tears. I close my eyes, listening to Dan's steady breathing.

Dan puts a hand on my back and moves his hand in soothing circles, calming me. I hope my mother is in a better place. I really hope so. I feel Dan shift his weight and lay down beside me, his stomach pressed against my back, and his arms wrapped around me. This comforts me beyond belief and I let out a sigh.

"Thank you." I whisper softly breaking the sense.

"For what?" He asks. I slowly turn around and face him.

"For being there for me. For letting me stay here. For not giving up on me." I breath running a hand through his hair. His fringe falls over one of his eyes and for the first time since the incident, I smile. He smiles back at me and presses his lips to my forehead gently. I close my eyes, letting his warmth engulf me and make me feel better. I snuggle into him, putting my head on his chest, hearing his steady heartbeat.

"Rachel I-" Dan starts but then abruptly stops.

"What?" I whisper rubbing my hand up and down his arm. I hear Dan hesitate and exhale sharply.

"I love you." He says quietly, so I can barely hear him. I smile to myself knowingly.

"I love you too, Dan." I say without hesitation. I feel Dan relax and he closes his eyes. I relax too and relief washes over my body, knowing that tomorrow is Sunday and I don't have to face the terrors of school.

And with that, we drift off into a restful sleep in each other's arms.

(A/N: yes I am aware that this chapter was VERY short, but it was kind of a filler chapter. And I'm sorry for it being so sad! Don't worry, the mood will pick up soon in the next chapter! :D)