this is for random things

been a while

i really meant it when i said i was Annual Wattpad User

and i only came here because frankly i'm getting unhealthily lonely and i broke my self-oath and cried about it to my mom a few days ago

i was reading through my old updates and realized i don't know whether to be happy i updated half of Just Accept Me or beat myself up about it because every time i take a step toward being more confident in my work it backfires

but Feeling Good wouldn't approve of that kind of mental process

so i'll be grateful i even was able to remember what had gotten deleted

anyway since i have nothing to say i thought i'd just do an updated version of the last tag i did

except i won't tag anyone at the end because as i keep saying i'm practically friendless here and have no one to tag if someone tags me first

[Feeling Good wouldn't approve of that either so instead i'll say that i should work on my online social skills even though i think we've all had enough of the online way of life]

1. there's nothing i aLways leave the house with, not even my earbuds anymore [but i have a phone of my own now, so there's an improvement] .. i guess i bring my glasses everywhere, but it's not like i have a choice

2. i've gotten into makeup but i don't have things like foundation or concealer. i leave the house with eye makeup and eyebrow makeup if i'm feeling special [lips don't matter because there's gonna be a mask on top of them]. i kid you not all of my eyeshadow is from the dollar tree but this one three-color palette works really well and the colors are so cute so i'm happy

3. cAMELLIAS--

4. i've really wanted to get into thrift shopping lately, but my parents don't fancy the idea of me wearing things other people have already worn, which i guess i can understand [but in my defense i think the only thing i'd avoid buying at a thrift store is lingerie which i'm never going to need anyway].. but i want to be environmentally friendly :( we did go to marshall's today, which is basically like a thrift store except the clothes are just ones that were produced but no one bought, so you're saving money and saving the environment without the extra people-smell factor

5. the fact that i don't like or wear perfume has not changed

6. my shoe preference has not changed either, i will opt for sneakers, but fancier ones because i've suddenly become aware of fashion and appearance

7. i'd better

8. ah.. so i still like red, but yellow is entering the chat too, but i don't want to like both because it reminds me of gryffindor and mcdonalds at the same time.. maybe i don't have a favorite color and as long as it's pastel i'm okay with it

9. no, i also lost interest in red bull.. i drink fairlife chocolate milk though, does that count..?

10. i do indeed, i still like hi-C [still hic to me] but i had a craving for apple juice today

11. i haven't gone swimming in qUite a while and i have a feeling that swimming is going to be another thing humans will never be able to enjoy doing again.. but yeah i did enjoy it :(

12. well, since i eat with my family and i'm not thAt technologically absorbed i don't need to keep my fingers free of oil so no

13. none of mine work long-term

14. well ashton hoseok and yuto did happen to set my standards at an astronomically high level so i probably will never end up getting married because no one will live up to those standards and i'll live alone for the rest of my life and slowly go crazy and no one will play me the guitar like i need for my significant other to do [Feeling Good would whoop me for saying all of this so i'll say Inshallah and leave it be]

BONUS [my current significant other qualifications]:

- please be able to kill and/or remove a bug for me

- i know yuto's teriyaki king, i want my significant other to help me cook sometimes because it's apparently only the woman's job to cook in desi culture

- play me the guitar when i lose it

- mAybe japanese because i want someone to teach me everything about the culture, the language, everything

- i don't know how many japanese muslims exist, but i heard that if your significant other sees how cool islam is and is willing to convert for the religion and to marry you you'll go to heaven

- hugger because i love hugs

- i'm not saying i'm calling yanan out but i'am calling yanan out: will not make me feel like a clown by asking how i am and texting haha when i don't even know where you aRE

- more qualifications definitely to come soon because my standards keep rising

15. yes i'm right below kino on the sensitive level i cry every other night because i get mad over nothing and again i'm lonely [i'm not sure whether Feeling Good would approve so maybe i'll say something like i'll try to start seeing positive outlooks]

16. i'm too much of a scardey cat, even if mario aND luigi were to come with i'd end up like yuto and hui at the haunted house which also made me cry because hui started crying for his mom and yuto was being driven insane, he would not stop saying "do i have to go in do i have to go in do i have to go in do i have to go in" even when they were in the house and it made me so >:"""(

17. getting kidnapped, december's shot against STDs which i don't plan on risking getting but am being forced to get the injection for anyway [been dreading this since february]

18. no

19. well syncope hasn't occurred to me in a while but when december rolls around i've most likely got a big storm coming.. but as a child i almost got run over a few times because i ran onto the road and i tried to jump off a pier and get past barbed wire before too i was such a problem for my family i'm so glad they managed to raise me as a girl and not a freaking dog shout out to them

20. no

well there it is folk[s]

i might just write all of my worries concerns insecurities problems and other things here because once again, i'M LONELY

i've gotta call my friends but i'm afraid i'm gonna start crying

no wait i take that back

i aM going to cry

like, i wILL

but anyway

i don't want to stop doing "tradition" so i'll keep it

YOU TOO. by Chase Atlantic

i don't listen to them a lot anymore but this album and phases are masterpieces

i don't know how trustworthy this statement will be considering my name and past experiences but i'll say it anyway:

see you soon maybe