The Bad Boy's Little Pumpkin

Baby Shower

I didn't want a gender reveal, but I did want a baby shower. A baby shower meant gifts, and getting free gifts meant my fat, pregnant ass could stay home and work less. The last thing I wanted was to spend my third trimester on my feet at Burger Shack.

Mom went overboard like she always did. She even put decorations outside the house. There was a huge banner in front that said, "Welcome, Pumpkin's Little Pumpkin!" She did everything in a gender-neutral fall theme. I really wanted a Nightmare Before Christmas theme, but again, I wasn't paying so it wasn't my choice.

There were fall mums all over the place, table confetti that looked like leaves, and cookies shaped like pumpkins. She even went through the trouble of making a veggie tray with a pumpkin in the center. She carved it and painted it so it looked like a baby with a pacifier. Yes, my mom was the most extra person I knew.

I was basking in the fact that unlike the gender reveal, or whatever the hell you want to call that mess over the summer, I could sit myself down in the recliner and literally not move the whole time.

The only issue was that we had to keep turning the music up because Kevin was still making a ton of noise in the basement. Yes, he still wasn't even done putting up the floors and the walls or whatever he was doing. All I heard was smashing and Carter's laughs.

I hung out with all the girls from the cheerleading team. It had been a while since I'd seen all of them at once, since I could no longer be at practice. I missed my friends but it was nice to not have to worry about working out or freezing on the field. It snowed during last night's football game. Forget that noise.

We played some classic baby shower games, like guessing the baby's weight and guessing what the name would be, but really, I just wanted to hang out with my cheer friends until it was time to open presents.

Trust me, there were a lot of those! I got a stroller, crib mobile, bottle set, high chair, carseat, and tons and tons of wipes and diapers. With the money I'd saved from working, I'd bought all the rest of the small stuff already, so I'd be chillin like a villan the last month of this pregnancy.

After presents, we had cake. Mom went to the specialty bakery and they made the exact cake she wanted. It was a two-tier with brown fondant and orange polka dots with candy pumpkins on top. It said "Welcome Baby" in fancy writing, because if I heard the phrase "little pumpkin" one more time I was going to puke.

We ate cake while taking selfies and cleaning up all the wrapping paper. All in all it was a pretty perfect day. I looked over at my pile of presents. We were totally ready now, in terms of stuff. As for myself and Damien, mentally there was still a long way to go.