The Bad Boy's Little Pumpkin

Gender...Reveal?

My mom went above and beyond to create the cutest gender reveal possible for me and Damien. Even though it was the middle of summer and crazy hot out, she went out of her way to throw a fall-themed gender reveal party. She thought it would work because Nugget was due in November.

I didn't want this particular theme. I didn't want a party at all, honestly. I loved surprises, and that was what I wanted: to wait until the very last second to find out what my little baby was going to be. Nothing excited me more than the thought of my doctor shouting "it's a boy!" or "it's a girl!"

But that wasn't what I was getting, so whatever.

Not my financial contribution, not my rules.

So let me tell you about this party. We're in the backyard. I feel like my skin is melting. I'm in the shade on the patio under the awning, next to Apple. We're both drinking apple cider and looking down at our phones. I promised the cheer team we'd live Tweet this mess.

Our friends and family want to talk to me but all I'm really doing is trying to ignore them. It's hot as hell, my back hurts, and I wanted absolutely no part of this. It felt like it was taking forever for Mom and Kevin to get the balloon box set up and get everyone's attention.

Everyone was wearing different colored pumpkin-shaped pins. Some were pink and some were blue. I didn't wear one because again, I didn't care. All I wanted was to go back inside in the AC.

Damien kept refilling my glass with ice. He knew I was dying out there.

Mom called us to the middle of the yard, where we all stood in a big circle. I told her that she and Kevin could do the opening of the box, because they were so enthusiastic about this whole thing.

They set up a whole scene in the middle of the yard so it would look good for photos, but mostly for Kevin and Carter's channel. The box had bushels of hay on each side with pumpkins perfectly placed on them. The box has orange writing that said, "He or She? What Will Pumpkin's Little Pumpkin Be?"

"Kinzie, any last guesses?" Carter said, putting his camera way too close to my face.

"Not really," I said.

Everyone let out a big, "Three! Two! One!" and I covered my eyes, like that was going to stop this from happening.

I waited to hear cheers or claps or something. Yet, there was nothing but silence, then confused whispers. Someone started clapping. I heard, "Wow! It's twins! What a surprise!" and then took my hands away from my face.

Holy shit Kevin, really?

My stepdad, who was normally chill, kicked the box over on its side. He knew it would be YouTube gold if all his followers saw him freak out.

"Dammit! I told them pink or blue! Not pink and blue!" he said.

"Don't you guys still have the envelope from the doctors' office?" Apple asked.

"No! I gave it to those nitwits at the party store! They probably lost it by now. I told them we didn't need it back since we were getting the gender from the balloons," Kevin said. He put his hands up. "I'm so sorry everybody. I guess we'll find out another time."

Damien leaned over and whispered in my ear. "I guess you are getting what you want after all, aren't you?"

"Thank goodness. If you need me, I'll be back inside enjoying the AC," I said, practically skipping back into the house.