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34

Chapter 34

CHARLIE

"You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be and I don't want to go home right now" - The Goo Goo Dolls

She was gone..........and I couldn't wrap my head around the fact that I wouldn't see her anymore. I wouldn't hear her voice or feel her touch. I wouldn't feel the love that radiated off of her every time that she looked at me.

She was my home, she was my peace.

I didn't have the strength to break the news to Luciano.

I should've told him about this problem beforehand but she wouldn't let me. She didn't want to worry him but to be a father like myself that was our very job as a parent.

However, when she requested something I always tried to respect her wishes, it was the growth within me.

I never wanted her to feel as if I was controlling her every move but now I wished I had done that from the very damn start. She would've still been here if I had.

Don't think like that

How else am I supposed to think?

"She always had this unexplainable love for the beach."

"Even though she couldn't eat a damn thing in it because she was allergic." The crowd of friends and family lightly laughed at my statement. I was standing behind a podium saying all the things that I had wished that I said to her.

The sound of the ocean waves crashing against each other gave me a sense of peace. It was crazy how something that violently crashes against each other could create an emotion such as peace.

"She told me it was her place to think, which is why we are here today in honor of her."

"Love at first sight sounded like a complete fairy tale to me until she made it become real.

"When I first saw her I knew with all that was in me that she was trouble; but not in a bad way. Not in a way that she would cause destruction but in a way where she would establish change. Everyone knows the state I was in when I first met her. There is no hiding anything because she isn't worth hiding."

"I was married and unhappy and even though it didn't give me the right I did what I did and to sit here today and to say that I'm sorry for it and that I regret my choices would be a lie."

"Skylar showed me how much life that I still had around me when I was just going through the motions, she showed me a type of love that I didn't know was possible and I wish..........I wish that I could feel it again but something tells me that it never left."

"Everyone saw the change that she brought to my life."

"In fact she impacted everyone's lives and left a part of herself wherever she went. So if you just look within yourself a part of her is there."

"I see it in her parents, I see it in my men, I see it in my children, and I see it inside me." I smiled as I looked down at the front seats as Harper held Havana in her arms. Ryder sitting right beside her comforting her whenever she needed it.

"She will continue to be in my heart and mind forever."

"Rest in peace Skylar I love you so much and I mean every word. Today is a new day with new beginnings to a better future where there is no blood shed and anger. It's something that I should've done a long time ago but never felt as if I was ready. "

"It's sad that she had to die just for me to see that this isn't the way. I know she would never want our child to grow up in an environment where being detrimental is a positive. I can't change the choices that I've made in the past or fix the things that I have broken but I can determine what I want the future to look like."