Bittersweet Dreams (Sequel to Nightmares)

Romeo And Juliet

As I laid there, pitifully still breathing, I listened to the sound of my phone ring over and over again. Finally, the ringtone changed. My tear-filled eyes widened. It was Shizuo's ringtone. I had no energy left and I couldn't reach the phone. My blood soaked the floor, and my stomach still stung from Namie's nails. My vision was blurring and my heart beat was slowing. Is this what dying felt like?

I closed my eyes, and let the darkness envelop me. I could feel myself drifting away, but I held onto my consciousness as if there was a thin piece of string holding me up. After at least 20 minutes of losing blood and struggling with my consciousness, I heard the door of my apartment violently swing open. All the acoustics in the room sounded like I was listening in from somewhere deep underwater.  But if I was drowning, I was relieved to feel the strong arms of my Shizuo embracing me-- giving me hope.

My breathing was shallow, and I was a tiny thread from losing consciousness, but that didn't stop Shizuo from checking my pulse. From what I could tell, it was barely there. I could hear Shizuo's beautiful soothing voice uttering sweet sweet words to me, but I couldn't make anything out. I was glad he was here and alive. Maybe he would save me again. Or maybe I already died and went to what my precious humans called 'Heaven'. I couldn't tell what was real at this point.

I could feel Shizuo pick me up bridal style and start running out the door, at a speed I couldn't imagine. He placed a sloppy mid-sprint kiss on my lips, and then I let go of the thread, going absolutely limp in his strong grip. I was able to let my consciousness slip away because if there is one thing I've learned in the last 2 years of being with Shizuo, it was that being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while deeply loving someone gives you unbelievable courage. I had the strength to hold on to my consciousness that long, and the courage to leave everything up to Shizuo. Love is a confusing, fallible, funny thing.

As I drifted into the depths of unconsciousness, I realized a few things. I'm happy I let love into my life, because even though Shizuo wasn't the one I necessarily thought I was going to end up with, he ended up being the one I needed. I forgot the risk, and let myself fall into this bliss. It ended up being meant to be and worth all we had to go though. I just hoped Shizuo would be able to pull me back out of the darkness like he always did. He had that quality about him. No matter how far into the abyss I fell, he was always there to pull me right back out again.

Even though my physical body was unconscious, my mind was fully functional. All I could think of was Shizuo. Shizuo, Shizuo, Shizuo. As I thought as far into my past as I could,  I pulled out all the positive things I remember. I knew in reality I was dying, each moment my life slipping farther away, but I would need to be positive for the time being. Even if I couldn't change the circumstances that were stacked against me, I could change this pain into trust.

So I swallowed my depression. I swallowed the tears. I held back the guilt. I burned the regret. I deleted the consequences. I succumbed to love. I threw away my pride. I threw myself into Shizuo's arms.

And that's when I woke up. I opened my eyes, and blinked a few times. I couldn't tell if this was really reality, or just an illusion to sweeten the fact that I was dead. I sat up, and was greeted by burning pain. I looked down at my stomach, which was still covered in long thin scratches, the exact size and shape of Namie's nails. I looked over to my wrist, which was bandaged heavily. I had an IV in my arm, which was furiously pumping the blood I lost, back into my hungry veins. Shizuo's unbuttoned shirt hung on my body, a size too big, but it made me smile nonetheless. Shizuo's grey sweatpants were now covered in blood, but I'm sure Shizuo could find a way to get that stain out. He always did.

I looked around the room I was in, and immediately recognized it. I was in Shinra's bedroom, sitting up in his small twin sized bed. I guess Celty still refused to sleep with him. Soon, I heard footsteps reach the door, and a hand turn the doorknob. Shinra blinked a few times and then smiled wide, calling in Shizuo to come see me. As Shizuo ran into the room, it felt as if time slowed down. As soon as I saw his face alive and well right in front of me, it was as if I fell in love all over again.

Shizuo wrapped his arms around me in an embrace I never thought I would be able to feel again. I pulled back and kissed him. I kissed him as if this would be the last time I would taste his sweet sultry seductive lips. Our kiss didn't last for long, for when Shizuo pulled back, tears leaked down his face. I took in his appearance, taking in every part of him I had missed in the past couple hours. His hair was tousled as if he had been running his hands through it for a long period of time, and he was without a shirt-- because it hung loosely over my torso-- and adorned an identical bandage on the same wrist I did mine. A band-aid covered a spot in his elbow crease where I would imagine an IV was, only a handful of minutes ago. His hot tears dripped off of his face and fell onto Shinra's bed sheets.

"I thought I had lost you Izaya. . . ," He sobbed, voice cracking with emotion.

I tried to say something, but my vocal chords weren't exactly working yet. Shizuo smiled and softly kissed my slightly chapped lips.

"It's okay. You don't have to say anything. Just, don't leave me again. You're all I want. Forever," Shizuo gently picked me up and laid me on his chest, so I could soak up his warmth and recover slowly.

Though in my head I was already answering to his sweet words.

"You're all I'll ever want-- in this life and the next. It's you. It's always been you, Shizuo Heiwajima,"