words kept close and spoken in the dark [POETRY - Completed]

one simple truth I knew and didn't know - ORIGINAL POEM

because I know I need you, I feel in my bones. your eyes spark a fire in my body, the flames burn brightly, it warms me so, they dance and their shadows call me home. but do they dance for you, or do they appear menancing and devillish? voices whispering in the dark with corrupt intent, they seep into my soul through the cracks and crevaces, but do they crawl their way into your heart too? or is it sealed off, your heart guarded, protected from such malicious cruelty, inescapable as I fight to reach you amid these brief meetings and words spoken low, inaudible but to two, in hushed whispers and a coy dance, a side step here, a brush there, a hand upon my back, mine upon your shoulder? its hard to say, affection should be as graceful and natural as one can expected, but for you I would throw such knowledge and caution to the wind, twisted and messy in this unconventional courtship of late night phone calls and a desperate clinging to every conceivable word you utter. its almost beautiful. almost. I dare to ask for more in this perpetual game of tug of war, but you refuse to give, while the illusion of the rope slipping between your fingers forces me to maintain a firm grip upon a perseption of reality so unlike your own. its all a trick, I come to such conclusions out of the same desperation and hope, which collided with reason and my better judgement of allowing you the privilege to break my heart. only I can do such things. I need you now, I needed you then, I need you in the dark so dim the lights and crawl beneath the thin layer between my daydreams and reality. sing lonely hymns and whisper sweet prayers, dance with the devil in the low light and I'll pray you won't disappear before morning comes, slipping between my fingers like grains of sand, scatter to the wind in unnatural speed as the bright eye of God peeks behind the curtain to reveal the dirty secrets of his begotten children. please don't leave me. you're going to leave me. let us pretend for the night, before cruelty fires its fatal bullet and tears my soul to pieces, four simple words so careful and sharp I could barely feel the knife slip between my ribs, their intention of a silent, merciless death, for even a benevolent God knows that to die screaming is to cling to life in all its complicated mess.