The Nature of the Beast

Chapter 39

Enid walked up the path to the fortress. It had been a week since she last dined with M and Rudi and she was feeling guilty for neglecting them. But M had Rudi now. With Nadi gone and Nikola, well - she didn't know how to feel about him or if it even mattered.

Her old life had been thrown in pieces into the wind and scattered there. She ran around trying to retrieve a few scraps, but she knew most were lost in the breeze. She pushed open the large wooden doors, breathing deeply as the animal tinged air blew around her. It would always smell like home. She ran up the stairs, lifting her skirt as she took them two at a time. Enid knew M wouldn't be mad, but worried, yes. Knowing she was the cause of that made Enid suffer with shame. She would make it up to her; she would come every day from now on.

M was right. Enid spent enough time wallowing in self-pity and blame, fear over what she had become. It was self-indulgent and served no purpose other than making her feel good about feeling bad. It was a viscous cycle and one Enid meant to break.

As for Nikola, she still hoped they might find a way to work it out together. For the time being, he asked for privacy in dealing with Senka. It had been days since she saw him last. Anger boiled inside her, hate for Senka for allowing this to happen. Rage at Nikola for being protective of her. Fear at the thought of him choosing Senka over her. They were having a child together; Enid was a fool to imagine he would forsake her for Enid. The thought of them being intimate made her stomach clench and her body shake.

As she came to M's floor, she slowed her steps, thinking. She hated feeling helpless, hated waiting for someone else to decide her fate. What she needed to do was make a decision for herself. Was she going to fight for him, find a way for them to be together while he fathered a child with another? Or was she going to say goodbye and end things now, on her terms?

Her thoughts flew from her mind the moment she swung open the door to M's living room. Her dogs jumped up and tails wagging, slobbered all over her. She rubbed and scratched each one, bending down so they could lavish her with wet kisses. M's look of surprise and happiness eased her guilt. No matter what was happening outside these walls, she was welcome home.

M tutted at her. "Why have you been away so long? Next time you come you might find these beasts snacking on my bones."

Enid ran over and hugged M, whispering in her hair, "I'm sorry," she let go and said, "I've been so selfish lately, neglecting you and the animals. I've missed all of you. How is everyone?"

M shrugged her shoulders. "Fine, fine. Everything is fine. How is your friend?"

Surely M had guessed, seeing Senka a few weeks ago herself. She would never ask though, it wasn't her way.

Enid wasn't going to say anything, but as she spoke she burst out with it. "Can you believe it? Pregnant?"

M poured them both a glass of brandy as Enid flung herself into the chair next to the fire. M handed her the glass and sat across from her in the opposite chair.She sat and watched Enid, biting her lip in contemplation.

"What is it? I told you so? Just say it. I know, I know, you warned me, told me Senka was up to something. Told me to stay away from Nikola. But how could I?"

She took a sip of her brandy, staring into the fire. "How do you say no to a love so strong it consumes you? It's - he's like the fire," she said, gazing into the flames. "He's so warm and it feels good to be near him. Then being with him turns into a blazing, raging bonfire. It's bright and dazzling and hot as hell. I thought if I got too close he might burn me, but I wasn't afraid because when I stepped away I was cold. And M, I was cold for so long, it felt good to be hot."