My darling Draco,
It's been years since I last saw you.
I've tried, oh believe me, I tried so hard, but they wouldn't let me see you. They said you were too dangerous to be around. But they don't understand, they never understood the kind of love we shared.
When you hurt me, it's because you love me. And you want me to get better, so you need to correct me. Just like the Dursleys had tried all those years ago.
I used to resent them, but you helped me see things from their point of view. You helped me see that I needed the pain in order to get better.
And I tried so hard to be good for you, Draco, to not cry every time you broke a bone or cut an artery.
Guess I failed at that.
Ron and Hermione....they knew too much from the beginning.
I remember their concerned looks and pitying smiles whenever they'd see a bruise or a cut that you left over after my punishments.
They didn't do anything at first, since I was always so good at coming up with excuses. Oh, it's nothing 'Mione, just a scrape from work. It's okay, Ron, I got the bruise from walking into a door. I know, I know, I'm really clumsy. I'll try to be more careful next time.
At a certain point, though, I guess they couldn't keep convincing themselves it was nothing.
And I know you blame me for when they found out about everything, and I know it's my fault.
I should have been more careful when locking the door, to make sure no one would walk in during the middle of my punishments.
I learned that the hard way.
And now you're locked away in a cell in Azkaban, while I have nothing but faded bruises and memories to remind myself of you.
I still remember your last words to me, before they took you away.
"I did it because I love you."
You've said this many times, more than I can count, and that's how I know it's true. I need someone to punish me, to help me become better.
But now that you're gone, I feel utterly helpless. I miss you, so much darling. I'm ashamed to say that I spent months wallowing in misery before I was ready to face the world.
If you were there, you would have whipped me for it, and I would have deserved it. No matter what anyone else says, that I didn't deserve it, that you were a sadistic monster, I know the truth.
There's a likely chance that you will never come out of Azkaban, my love, and for that, I mourn.
My friends don't understand. They ask me how I can love someone who's caused me so much pain.
But you loved me. That makes all the difference in the world. You were doing it because you loved me, and that's all that matters.
I know that if I truly want to get better, I need to find someone else, someone like you, who's willing to punish me to become better.
It will be hard, I know, especially with the memories of our beautiful time together, but I have faith that I'll find someone just like you.
And that thought is what keeps me going everyday.
With all the love in the world,
Harry Potter
