just bros being bros

mineta minoru

As it happens, a few days later Kaminari insists on a "guy's night" and invites all of the guys to come hang out in a makeshift fort in the common room while Ashido rolls her eyes at him when he hisses at her to "go away and stop intruding this is for the men only".

"As if we'd want to participate in your stupid hypermasculine rituals," she answers, gathering Yaoyoruzu and Jirou in either arm as she stalks off to paint their nails or whatever.

Mineta sighs wistfully as they head off, tempted to crawl along after them only to be stopped by Kaminari lifting him up by the back of his shirt and depositing him back in the circle. "Nuh uh, all dudes are mandated by law to participate."

"Who's law?" Mineta retorts.

"My law."

There's nothing much to be done about that. Mineta grumbles, but then eases up as the topic shifts over to the latest superhero Billboard rankings.

"Oh how I wish I'd just had one chance to be at the whims of Snake Hero: Uwabami instead of wallowing and suffering under Mount Lady..." Mineta sighs.

Kaminari snorts, shoving him over, "Seriously, why is your type limited to the ladies you will never in a million years have a chance with."

At that, Mineta raises an indignant fist, "As if you would do much better! And who says that's my type, huh? You of all people should know that I limit myself to none, a man who appreciates those of all round, robust - "

"Okay, I think that is enough of that," Kirishima says, hopping over a couch with a tray of snacks and a bottles of soda. "You do realize Jirou could be using her hearing quirk at any moment?"

"Y-yeah, guys," Midoriya speaks up. "Maybe we can talk about something else?" His face is furiously red at this point, grabbing for the soda that Kirishima brought over and gulping it down.

"Why so red, Midoriya?" Mineta turns on him, "I bet you've seen some things, haven't you? You and Ururaka are too close of friends for a guy and a girl, there must be something going on, huh? Is that your type, round and cute?"

"A-ah, type? I'm not sure what you mean!" Midoriya is all but shrieking at this point as he waves his hands aggressively in front of his burning face, "I mean, I think she's quite pretty but, you know, she's a friend of mine, and it would be incredibly rude to think of her in a lewd way – not that I have ever, of course, but I mean, in relation to the subject, I would just say that I think that all women are beautiful, and to be respected, of course – "

Bakugou growls, "Shut the fuck up and stop stammering, Deku," throwing a pillow at his face.

Before it hits him, Iida deftly snatches it out of the air, turning a glare to Bakugou. "Bakugou, you should know better than to incite violence while Midoriya has a drink in his hand. What would you have done if he spilled some on the common room floor, which we all share and are responsible for?"

Iida is thoroughly ignored as Mineta turns his attention, "Well, well, well, what about you then, Bakugou? What's your type, aggressively hot and spicy to match your temper? Or sweet and submissive, or–" Mineta cuts himself off when Bakugou refocuses his glare to him, ominously letting small explosions crackle in his palms. "Haha, just kidding! Kirishima! How about you then?"

Kirishima pauses from where he's stuffing a handful of chips and popcorn into his mouth staring at Mineta for a second. "What?"

"What's your type? You know, what you look for in somebody?"

Sero rubs his chin, "Come to think of it, I don't think I've ever seen you show much interest in the girls in our class. What is your type, maybe I can set you up with one of my friends?"

"You got friends, Soy Sauce?" Bakugou growls, only settling down when Kirishima laughs and shakes his head.

"Oh, well, hmm," Kirishima says thoughtfully. "I've never really thought about my type before. I guess if I had to say, well. The main virtue I look for in anybody is manliness."

"Manliness?" Mineta echoes, confusion etched across his face.

Everybody else in the circle chuckles at Kirishima as he rubs the back of his neck, "Oh, you guys know what I mean. Bravery, the ability to stand up to people, that kind of stuff! It helps if they have a little attitude. Oh, oh! And they have to be good looking, obviously."

With everybody's focus on Kirishima, they fail to notice that Bakugou is blushing.

"And, uh, I guess I like blondes..."

"What, like Uwabami?" Mineta prods, trying to visualize it.

"Eh, I think paler blonde than that."

Bakugou fidgets in his seat, muttering under his breath.

"Mount Lady?"

"Huh, yeah, I guess so," Kirishima nods. "But, you know. I think I like shorter hair than that. And soft, and fuzzy."

Bakugou growls a curse under his breath, and Mineta spares him a glance. "What, like Bakugou's hair?"

"Yeah," Kirishima laughs, rubbing the top of Bakugou's head while he hisses back, "Like Bakugou's hair."

"Weird," Mineta says. "Come to think of it, we don't have any blonde girls in our class. Unless Hagakure's secretly blonde? What a shame," he laments, sighing as his mind is filled with the thoughts of all of the other girls at UA that he doesn't have a chance to harass.