When I was a child my cousins told me,
"If you pick your nose, you'll turn into a gorilla."
And they were always right about everything.
I didn't risk fate.
My uncle told me if I slept with socks on,
I'd grow webbed feet.
Now that I'm older, I know there is no ducking way that's real.
I still went to bed with my feet as cold as Alaska for many nights.
My dad told me if I swallowed a lost tooth,
A crooked chicken tooth would grow in its place.
I cried because I'd never find someone to love me.
No one loves crooked chicken teeth.
Don't think for a second that we are going to skip the time
When my cousins collectively pretended their bodies
Were inhabited by leprechauns.
I was the heir to the Irish throne as well.
Maybe I should have been told Ireland has a president instead.
My grandpa told me he bought the
Welcome to Idaho sign just for me...
From Walmart.
They were probably limited edition because I've never seen one in stock before.
My ex told me
He loved me
And not to worry about her.
I should have known no one loves crooked chicken teeth.
